By Kenneth Stepp
I need to unwrap that title. It’s a strange one and to most it would mean nothing. To me it means more than you can imagine. It’s an audio file on my phone. We were home, preparing our wedding day which was 11 days away.
She dialed my phone by mistake and my recorder picked it up. I can’t make out what her said but her sweet voice was captured on it. The recording and my memories with her are all I have left of her. 2 minutes and 15 seconds of audio. Four months and six days later she’d be gone…
I never know what I’ll write till the words spill out on my paper. Yesterday, like so many days, I played that recording back. I listened intently, remembering her voice. That southern happy voice I loved instantly. Although we will not have another conversation on this side, I’ll treasure this one till we can talk again.
I cannot make out what I’m saying on it but can understand her. I say, it’s the little things, this file let’s me know I’m correct. The conversation wasn’t deep, insightful or news worthy. I was probably cooking and she was sitting at the table I think. Nothing big, just another little thing I will covet forever.
Here is a test for you. Try going back in time, let’s say 10 to 15 years. What memories do you have? My guess is it won’t be a big purchase, it won’t be accolades from peers, and it won’t be things or stuff you owned back then. I guess it will be moments. They were cost free and seemed insignificant at the time. Today they are gems.
I just described what I value. I doubt I’m alone in that. My phone recorded that file on May 5th 2021. It was just another day. Honestly I can’t remember much about that day at all. But when I’m sad, I replay 2 minutes and 15 seconds of that day. I am saddened and comforted at the same time every time I replay it.
If you are human and have lived any amount of life at all, you have experienced loss. Loss has value in shaping who we are. Wisdom, patience and humility come from loss. These traits make us more valuable to others. We can help others heal, we can understand another person’s pain in a way others cannot.
Perhaps that’s the way God intended things to be. Every loss is useful to those left behind in the same way that when something dies it feeds the plants around it. Strangest metaphor I’ve used but it makes sense. Everything that happens to us can be useful to those around us. Nothing is wasted.
My advice to you would be this. Live every moment as if it will become a treasure to you or someone who will remember you. Know that every moment you live matters, know that the moments you live are to be enjoyed. We either endure life or enjoy it. The choice is always ours. Loss hurts, it’s painful. Live out loud people. Love recklessly and never stop making moments. They’re all that really matter in the end.
As usual very well written. Thank you for sharing. His plan is so far off of ours. There is a reason for all things. We never know. Cherish the days you have and the people who mean the most cause tomorrow is a mystery.
Thank you. Tomorrow doesn’t always come.