Single Again… Standing Still

By Kenneth Stepp

 

Standing still. This means, do nothing but stand. In life, when a decision must be made, this is usually where I am. I’ve had two mentors in the past. My first mentor in life told me that, when you don’t know what to do, do nothing. He had so many sayings like that, but none that served me better than this one. Lately, I have been in a quandary about so many things, so many, that my head is too full to process them fully. From financial, to business, to personal. Just too much. Have you ever been emotionally overwhelmed?

 

In the last year, I’ve had losses. The person in my life that defined love to me is gone, a girl I dated last Spring and cared so much for, I just found out, was dating someone else while dating me “exclusively”. I can’t recall having an unfaithful partner before, she, because of her spiritual stance, was a surprise. She co pastored a church with her ex husband and claims that her faith is the most important thing in her life. This explains why she had so little time for us, her loss, I’m a good man, good luck finding another one. I’ve watched friends go through horrifying things in the past year, and those too, are a loss for me, I love my real friends.

 

So what is confusing me today? Probably the same things that confuses you today… Unknowns. I don’t know what the future holds. My business, love life, finances, family, and about everything else I can think of, are all swimming around in circles at the moment. Gosh, that sounds almost like they are swirling around in the toilet. I need better, or at least more enjoyable sounding metaphors in the future. I’m standing still today, I’m doing nothing because I don’t know what to do next. When you are faced with dilemmas, what do you do?

 

Being single at this age and this time in life, is not something I saw coming at all. I had my forever, I saw my future, I was solid and stable. What happened? Well, the proverbial rug was pulled out from under me like it was for most of my friends. One day things are the way the suppose to be, the next day you are doing life alone. What’s odd is how much changes. Family dynamics, finances, career, and even diet. Everything in your life changes in a moment. It is because of this that I stand still. I stand still when I process things, today, I am processing what seems like, my entire life.

 

“Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world”

Harriet Tubman

 

Are we in control of what happens to us? Am I the captain of my ship? I can’t say for sure, but we are in control of what we allow. Had I known for example, that the girl from last Spring wasn’t honest or faithful, I would not have allowed her in my life, I have booted her permanently recently anyway, but I would not have allowed her in my orbit back then had I known of her integrity issues. I would not have entered into a business deal with a dishonest person like I did a few years back. The rear view mirror is so revealing. And the view is ugly at times. But today, I am standing still once more. Waiting on change, waiting on God, waiting, waiting, waiting…

 

“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination”

Jimmy Dean

 

8 Comments

  1. I feel ya! I call it liking my wounds in my cave but I will move to standing… It implies anticipation of moving foward. I also always ask, what was I to learn about that experiance… It help me.

  2. Dear Kenneth… not all of life has to be figured out. That was the title of another observation I wrote about maybe 10-12 years ago. I go back and read the words of a younger single mother with little ones from time to time, and think, “Wow! She made it!” And such simple wisdom. Just live one day to the next. Know your moral compass and make daily decisions based on that compass. Learn to just BE!!! We think too much about what we don’t know and can’t control. What we waste in worry can never be returned…. and that’s time we could use to love and share with those who truly care. I too share your disappointments in people I once had relationship with, but time spent on that overshadows the gratitude we feel for those we are currently in relation with. Be. Encouraged. To. BE. It will all work itself out in time.

  3. I wish that we could spend about a day in conversation. There is so much more to be done than just waiting! Meanwhile your unhappiness attracts nothing but unhappiness. And your happiness can only come from within, not from without.

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