Single Again… Someone New

By Kenneth Stepp

A lunch date. A first walk. Meeting at the park. These are all, for me, meeting someone new. You may have chatted online a few times and even exchanged emails or spoken on the phone. But the first time you meet, that’s new. That is, in your world, someone new. Just writing this takes me back to the new people I’ve met while on my singles journey.

Some weren’t that memorable, some I will never forget. When I meet someone for the first time these days, I wonder if we will still be connected in one way or another a year from now. It’s a valid question that takes two people to answer. If one wants more and the other just wants to go back home and forget the meeting. Well…. You get what I’m saying.

“When someone walks away from you. It doesn’t mean they are a bad person. It means their part of your story is over” – Unknown

This is a much more positive spin on losing someone, I wish I had thought of this earlier. There are those who were in my life who moved on without me. It’s never easy, is it? Is it really a loss? Or can it be a lesson? I believe it can be both. I think back on a relationship I found myself in when I first became single.

Losing her was some of the worst pain I have ever endured. But honestly, I wasn’t ready. I had so much self-growth to go through. I fought the growth thing with every fiber of my being. Because of this I woke up one day and realized I was becoming someone I did not recognize. Someone I was ashamed of being.

I put my life in park, I had to. To me, I was becoming a monster. Anything I could do to make me feel good was what I would do. I would hate to list the horrible mistakes I made while going through this. It wasn’t until I faced a crossroad that I knew my future would depend on what direction I would go.

To the left, I stay on course, never healing and spreading my hurt and damage. To the right, I quit. I do nothing about my journey to find love. Why? Because I lost the ability to love properly. This is an awful state to be in.

“No, this is not the beginning of a new chapter in my life; this is the beginning of a new book! That first book is already closed, ended, and tossed into the seas; this new book is newly opened, has just begun! Look, it is the first page! And it is a beautiful one!” ― C. JoyBell C.

Welcome to the new me. Welcome to my debut. I did the only right thing I could do. I got away from dating and worked on becoming a better man. Today, I believe I am that man, only because I went right instead of left. I don’t judge the men and women who decide to go left. I just try to stay out of their way. Some of them even find one another.

If you are waiting for me to say that’s a good thing, you’ll be waiting an eternity. You’ve met them. They are together completely wrapped up in their own life, not one another’s. Their move into coupledom was to soften the blow of being so lonely. They are still lonely, but delusional enough to make it work for a while. Any port in a storm, right?

These relationships only work until another person or the idea of being alone looks better to one of them. Then they just wait to reload again. More people do this than you might think. It’s hard to watch if you are close to one of them. It’s funny, that crossroad I spoke of, it’s right there every time something big changes in a person’s life. They broke up.

This could be the time when one or both choose to go right instead of left. Sadly, the more times you choose poorly, the easier it is to choose poorly the next time. I wish I had the answers. I can tell you going right was hard, but worth it. I’m proud of who I am becoming now, I wish everyone could experience that. It’s good for the soul to change for the better, especially when it was the hard choice.

“One of the best times for figuring out who you are & what you really want out of life? Right after a break-up.” ― Mandy Hale

One last thing. That someone new you just met, they could mean the world to you very soon. Treat them right, respect them, be honest to a fault, give them a chance. You might be looking into the eyes of your destiny….


  1. Being almost single once my divorce is finalized. Is not what I would have expected to be in middle-age, it terrified me at first. I had to take time to learn who I am as an individual again, For years there had been an “us.” To not have this anymore after 20+ years of my life was a shock and I definitely had to go through an adjustment period, I have been purposeful and deliberate regarding my focus on myself. I feel strongly that I can’t be who I need to be for myself or a potential soulmate. Without first focusing on myself and my personal growth.

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