Single Again… Making Time For Love

By Kenneth Stepp

My time is valuable. I’ve heard others say, time is money, I say,  time is the only thing of real value. Think about that. When you say, that cost me $100.00, that isn’t true at all. That cost you however much time you gave away to earn $100.00. Time is the only thing in the math world with any value. Numbers are just numbers, giving of yourself means giving your time, not trinkets, physical gifts, or expensive nights on the town. It could be argued, that we are time. It’s certainly the currency I value. How about you?

I work for myself, and from home. Most would think this would allow me more “me time”, and they would be so wrong. Because I made the choice to work for me, I added many hats to my life. I write a column for a local publication, I also publish the majority of their news stories there, I’m a published author and am writing another book at the moment, I run an online program that I developed years ago, it eats up about 8 hours every day of the week, I buy and sell things, cars, art, antiques, etc. My time means everything to me. So when I have a solid interest in someone and ask them for their time, I understand the value and size of that ask.

Relationships are fragile. Having one, being in one, and being a real partner, these things require time if the relationship has a shot at growth. Like a flower requires water and sunlight, a real relationship requires things too. Honesty, transparency, loyalty, to name a few. Because of the age we are living in, relationships have to have strength. The strength to stay away from those who will come at you. Male and female, if you’re in a relationship, there will always be others trying to see if they can lure you away. Don’t allow someone to steal your attention from someone who actually cares for you. Those who really care are rare. Treat them that way.

I’ve examined the 4 relationships I have found myself in, in the past 6 years, since becoming single again. The first, I was too new and had no clue how to be the other half of a whole. The second, I was never a priority, neither was she. We did try and fail 3 more times. If I’m giving all of me, I want that in return. I only gave all with her once. The 3rd was different, she was amazing and we loved deeply. But, I was not who she needed and she wasn’t who I needed, we are still best friends today. The 4th was simply a near miss. We never really got started, but I feel deep feelings were there, I think she would agree. But priorities are important.

So, what have I learned about being in a relationship? First and very important, I learned what I want in a relationship. The most important basics, are just 2 things. I want to hear her voice every day, even if it’s for just one minute. Hearing audibly, helps us understand one another and how we feel at that moment. Texts, emails, and messages, cannot do this. The second thing is, I want to see her at least twice per week. I have a rule, I’ll drive to her, I’ll meet for lunch or dinner, she can choose the place, I will always buy. It’s called, effort. I’m dumbfounded when I hear flowery words and see no effort.

As far as being in a relationship, there are some great rules to follow as well. First, define your relationship. Are you simply dating? Rules aren’t really important at that stage, other than being kind to one another. Are you intimate but not committed? Then you can date others, but you should not sleep with anyone else. Respect and safety come into play here. Are you in a committed relationship, intimate, and discussed the possibility of a future? Monogamy is important here. If not, be honest above all else with your partner. He or she may not understand what you are to one another. Explain it in simple terms. Transparency is very important.

Here are some final thoughts. Two people never get to the same place at the same time. One will always be more invested than the other. Well, until both are all in. A bell should go off in the room when that happens. Man, a smiley face would be helpful right here. Remember that the person you are with is just as valuable and just as important as you. Treat them with the same respect, kindness, and honesty you want in return. In a nutshell, just be nice…

Be generous with your time if they are important to you. Everyone understands priorities. #1 is what I’ll give. #1 is all I’ll accept. Never settle friends…

#comefindme