Life After Divorce . . . If They Can’t See It

By Lindy Earl

Have you ever dated someone who, simply put, didn’t like you as much as you liked them?  This happens!  In fact, it happens often enough to destroy relationships.

Now, I know a good relationship takes a lot of work, but even before that, it takes some amazing compatibilities.  For instance, two people both have to be unencumbered.  I believe we have all met people with whom we could have a great relationship, but one or both were already in a relationship, so friendship ensues.  That’s fine.  Then there’s timing – both parties have to be open to the idea of a relationship.  If one is in a non-dating mode, or one is in a dating-everyone mode, or one has chosen a dating but never forever lifestyle, the relationship won’t work.  So the stars have to align just to make a relationship even begin well.

The relationships I want to discuss are those where you’re in a relationship, a monogamous relationship, where you really click.  Life is happy.  You’re content.  But, something just isn’t working.  You both say you’re in it forever, but there’s back and forth.  There are times of silence when you aren’t communicating well.  Some days there just seems to be a wall and you don’t know where it came from.  It’s just there.  Then it’s gone.  Y’all are just not on the same page.

After way too much time puzzling over relationships like this, both mine and those of others, I have a conclusion . . . run.  If they can’t see you as the star you are, then you don’t need them in your life.

Think of it this way – if you were to find an equivalent of the Hope Diamond, which is you in this analogy (yes, you’re a Diamond), if you were to find something that magnificent and rare and precious, would you ever let it out of your sight?  Would you let it slip through your fingers?  Of course not!  You would hold onto it.  You would want it with you.  You would check on it regularly.  If this is what you want from your relationship, then don’t settle for less.

Think of it this way – if you made it to the World Series or Super Bowl, as you’re in the midst of it, think about what it took to achieve this. Years of work, sweat, effort, energy.  Heartbreak and success.  But you made it!  Now, who would you want with you? What if they weren’t there?  Can you imagine a significant other not being there for you?  Well, your successes may not be as well publicized as major sporting events, but they should be celebrated.  If your significant other isn’t excited by your success, then they aren’t the person for you.  Run.

Think of it this way – if you had the secret to forever happiness, whatever it is to you . . . for some, happiness is a gorgeous body, so being thin and beautiful; for some it is financial success; for others it is living in their utopia whether it’s the mountains or the ocean . . . if you had that secret, would you share it?  Well, you ARE that secret to someone.  You are the happiness, the success, the forever joy that someone is looking for.

If the person you are with is not as eager to see you every day as you are to see them; if the person you are with sees you as someone to call when they are bored (yes, I became aware of this recently but it had to be pointed out to me); if the person you are with is only interested in you on occasion when you want daily communication; if the person you are with simply fails to see you as the wonderful person you are, then you don’t need them.  Even more, you don’t want them.

If the person in whom you’re interested can’t see what a star you are; if they fail to appreciate your effort in the relationship; if they aren’t complimenting you and acknowledging you as the most gorgeous person in the world; if they fail to understand how lucky they are to have you in their life, then RUN!  They are not the person for you.

Now, in fairness, it is your job to be the right person for someone. You need to see them as fabulous and tell them regularly.  You need to appreciate their gestures and acts of kindness.  You need to be there on their bad days.  You need to light up when they walk in the room so they feel great about themselves.  If you aren’t doing all these things for the person in your life, then you can’t see it, and your partner should run.

That’s Life After Divorce.

                Lindy is a Speaker, Columnist, Author, and Consultant.  Contact her at or find her on Face Book.


  1. Awesome job Lindy. And, as always thank you for your articles for this newly single girl after 38 years of not dating. So much appreciated.

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