Life After Divorce . . . I Want to Shout!

By Lindy Earl

I love what I do.  I really do!  As a columnist, a speaker, and a consultant.  I enjoy running the Face Book group, Single Again.  I believe that what we do, and what I do, really helps people.  Still, there are times when I want to shout!

I hear the stories of abuse, both physical and emotional, yet I see people returning to these relationships.  I see people accepting that a bad relationship is better than no relationship. I see people accepting less than they should because they don’t think they are worth anything more than somebody’s leftovers.  They are wrong!

And I want to shout!

I want to shout, “Stop being stupid!”  “He’s using you!” “She’s not interested!” “Don’t believe the lies!”

It breaks my heart when I hear the stories, in both directions, of men mistreating women and women mistreating men.  Of men using women for sex and women using men for money – sorry, but this is what I see most often.  It breaks my heart when I see a person settle – settle for someone they know isn’t right for them, but is willing and available.

It breaks my heart when I can see that there hasn’t been any change, and the lies and cheating are going to continue, yet a person, either for love or loneliness, stays in the relationship.

And I want to shout!

I want to shout, “You’re better than that!”  “You deserve better!”  “Stop believing the lies!”

I want to hug people.  And fix people.  I want to tell everyone that it will be okay, and something better is waiting for them.  But they have to be patient.  And they have to have faith.  And they really do have a better future, elsewhere, even if it’s alone.

But I can’t.  People don’t want to hear that.  People don’t want to wait.  People choose to believe that accepting Okay today is better than waiting for Great a year from now.  They don’t realize that they can’t have both.  People think if they settle now, the better will still be there in a year.

And I want to shout!

I want to shout, “No!  You’re doing it wrong!”  “When you settle, you give away a piece of your soul; of yourself!”

And I want to whisper, “You need to work on you.”  “You need to accept yourself, as broken as you are.”  “You need to know that you’re okay, just as you are.” “You need to focus on you, and what you want, and what you have to offer.”

When we settle, and accept less than we deserve,  we limit ourselves, and even degrade ourselves. That’s never good.  It removes us from the pool of the good people in the world.  And good people remain out there, even amongst all the takers and users.

And I want to shout!

I want to shout, not at the people hurting but at the people who hurt others, “Stop doing this to people!”  “Stop your egocentric, selfish, hurtful behavior!”  “You’re hurting others and you have no right to do that!”  “You are no more important than anyone else.”

It hurts, especially, when I see people doing the right thing, but others who refuse to believe the truth.  I have seen men tell women up front, “This is just about sex,” or “I’m not in this long term.”  And the women don’t believe them.  And it goes in both directions. I’ve seen women say to men, “It’s over.” And the men refuse to believe it.  So they go back for more.  And somebody gets hurt, but they bring it on themselves.  Wow is that painful to watch.

And I want to shout!

I want to shout, “You did this to yourself!  You were told, and you refused to listen!  You were warned by family and friends, and you turned a blind ear.”  “You knew better, but you allowed yourself to be hurt again.”

And I realize my voice is gone.  And shouting didn’t work.  It doesn’t work.  And I don’t want to shout any longer.

I want to cry.

Lindy is a Speaker, Columnist, Author, and Consultant.  Contact her at or find her on Face Book. Join her FB support group, Single Again: From Devastation to Dating. You can subscribe to her Life After Divorce Newsletter, for $12/year, at

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