Alpha Males

By Lindy Earl

Women love alpha males. Women want to date alpha males and men enjoy being friends with other alphas.  The stronger the woman, the greater the desire, even need, for an alpha. The challenge is that not everyone, men or women, always know what an alpha male is.

Alpha males are strong, and in their strength they are gentle.  Think of the gentle giants we see – the biker who is incredibly kind to children. The weightlifter who is a teddy bear around his dog.  These men show alpha characteristics, and one of those traits is gentleness.

Alpha males are gentlemen. They are considerate of everyone: women, other men, children, animals. They are kind to cashiers and food servers. They know – everyone knows – that they are in charge. They demand attention, but they are quick to share that attention, because a gentleman does not draw attention to himself.

I believe that any person can learn alpha tendencies. I have seen many woman adopt alpha traits simply because they had to.  When you are the only person looking after yourself and your kids, you grow alpha characteristics out of self-preservation.

I think there is an alpha male in every guy, although some guys turn those alpha characteristics toward themselves, making them selfish and losing the title of alpha.  You can find alpha characteristics in men when others don’t see them if you intentionally look.  So, how can a man tap into his alpha traits? Here are some thoughts . . .

First, be willing to approach a woman! How many relationships never started because the guy was too shy or scared or something to simply walk up and put his hand out and say, “Hello. I’m _____.” That’s all it takes! Women are trained, from the time we are a few years old, that men will approach us if they are interested.  Too often, however, something gets in the way and relationships are lost due to failure to start. Put yourself out there!

Second, speak in statements, not in questions.  For example,  “Have dinner with me on Friday.”  There is something strong in a statement like that, versus the polite, “Would you like to have dinner with me at _____ (name of restaurant) on Friday?” (Please notice, the rules for asking out a person is accomplished in the statement: what, where, and when.) There is nothing wrong with the question, but the statement is just a strong, and sexy, way to be asked out.

Third, confidence. Returning to the first point, approaching a woman in a restaurant or at a concert or in a store shows confidence. That is attractive! You can fake it until you make it, but as you pretend to be confident your confidence will increase and finally soar until it’s completely real. Tap into whatever you need to remember, or emulate, to show confidence.  Pretend you’re the guy from school who always got the girl, or maybe a character from a movie.

Next, be decisive.  When you think that you are being kind by asking her to choose what to do on a date, please know that you may be kind, but you are not acting like an alpha. Of course you should listen to cues and not ask a woman to a Nascar Race if she has never mentioned an interest or has verbally disdained the sport. But the decision of what to do and where to go is on you, as the alpha.

This takes us back to the what is needed when asking out a woman – the when, what, and where.  If you ask, “Would you like to go out with me sometime?” then you are not asking the woman out.  It’s like being engaged without a wedding date.  You’re engaged to be engaged, not to be married.

When asking out a woman, you need to specify what, where, and when. “Go to dinner with me at Name of restaurant on Friday” accomplishes this.  It shares the what – dinner; the where – it can be anything from McDonald’s to Ruth’s Chris; and when –  Friday.  This gives the woman an opportunity to refuse the what, where, or when without refusing you.  There are times when I definitely wanted to date a guy, but simply wasn’t available for the time they asked. Sadly, they heard the no as a refusal of them as a person, not the evening, so never asked me out again.

Now, it is up to the woman to make it clear why the answer is no, if it is.  She can reject the time – “I would love to but already have plans for Friday.” Whether she discloses the plans is up to her but do not immediately think she has another date. She’s probably meeting her sister or having out-of-town guests. She can refuse the what – “I would love to go out with you on Friday but I have already seen the movie you suggested.” There – she is rejecting the what, not the who. You are fine! She wants to go out with YOU, just not your when or what. That means find another time and event.

Just a reminder, an alpha male is not opinionated, bossy, or rude.  Size and height are irrelevant. Education and income don’t matter. Riding a Harley does not automatically make you an alpha. There are guys who take the bus who are very alpha. An alpha male is sexy no matter his career choice or income or what he drives.

There is an alpha in every man, and in some women. Guys, dig down and find your alpha, then show it off just a bit to show women your confidence and inner strength.  You’ll be attractive to the woman you want to ask out.

            I would love to hear from you. Please comment and share your thoughts. If you like this article please share with your network!

Lindy is a Consultant, Speaker, and Writer, currently living in Atlanta, GA.  She is The Business Coach focusing on Relationships through Communication, Leadership, and Corporate Culture. You will be more successful with Lindy on your team. Please contact her at