Life After Divorce . . . Enough Toads

By Lindy Earl

You know exactly what I’m saying!  We’ve all heard that we have to kiss a lot of toads blah, blah, blah.  Let me add a blech.

Instead of kissing all these toads, why can’t we find a pond of frogs? It has to be out there! Of course the challenge is that what some people see as frogs, others will see as toads.  You just never know who will attract whom, but I do believe that there is someone for everyone.

Maybe we could label the ponds!  Motorcycles and tavern people; nerds with pocket protectors; sports fans.

But isn’t that what the online dating apps have tried to do?  I know it can work.  I’ve met couples who are currently living happily ever after who met on a dating site.

Sadly, instead of fixing the problems, I’ve found that dating sites created a world for hook ups and scammers.  They don’t work for someone seriously hunting frogs – – even better, hunting for their one frog.

Who wants a frog anyway? Oh yeah.  He’s supposed to turn into a prince when you kiss him.  And I have a bridge for sale that will make you rich.

I am either looking in the wrong pond or using the wrong bait – but this is the only pond I can find and this is the only bait I have.  What should I change?

It’s also true that you can’t change others, but you can change your response to others.  So, my response is, No More Toads.  I’m going to find contentment all by myself.  I’m going to learn to enjoy sleeping alone – I may even indulge in a luxurious comforter and sheet set so that I feel like a pampered princess, just to make my lone sleeping more enjoyable.

There are great blessings all around me, and I’m going to focus on those – getting to watch the movie I want and always having control of the remote.  Eating what I want for supper, when I want to eat.  If that means French fries and ice cream, then that’s my supper!  I’m not worrying about fixing a well balanced meal for others. Honestly, having raised three children, I’ve had enough of that.  And when I opt for chicken and quinoa for the third time in a week, nobody will roll their eyes at me.

I’m going to exercise when I want, even if it’s incredibly early in the morning.  I’m going to rearrange furniture, even if it’s insanely late at night.  I’m going to travel when I want, where I want, for as long as I want.  If it means I burn my entire vacation time and budget in one trip, that’s my choice!

What do I get from it?  Freedom, yes.  The choice of being the real me who I am, or used to be, on the inside.  I get to find opportunities that I never took advantage of before.  I will stop on the way home from work and shop because I am no longer in a hurry to get back to the grind of cooking or cleaning. I get the joy of experiences, and learning how to appreciate new experiences all alone.  Life looks different from a table for one.  I’m going to enjoy the view.

I am who I am and choose to accept myself.  I’m content as I am – frogless.  Who’s with me?

That’s Life After Divorce.

Lindy is a Speaker, Columnist, Author, and Consultant.

*Contact her at to have her Speak or Consultant at your organization.

* Contact her at to submit a question for her Advice Column or hire her as a Consultant or to speak at your next event.

* Find her on Face Book and join the group,  Single Again: From Devastation to Dating, on FB.

* Purchase her latest book, Surviving Holidays and Events After Divorce at for $8.00 (half off Amazon’s price).


  1. I love this and so much truth here.. I would take the nerd pond anyday . Thanks for this awesome writing.

  2. Lindy. I’m way behind on my reading. You hit the nail on the head big time. Yes no more toads. I’m learning how to be happy and love myself as I rediscover who I am as a middle=aged single woman.

Comments are closed.