Single? What Are You Looking For?

By Kenneth Stepp

We’re single and looking… Most of us have some sort of a profile online dedicated to finding and being found. In these profiles we usually have these two things in them. Who we are and what we are looking for in a mate. I’ve read hundreds of them. What amazes me is how most of them are so much the same. She’s looking for an honest, loving, man who is employed, doesn’t have addiction problems, and likes long walks on the beach. The last one makes me smile every time I read it. But every time I read these words I wonder… Is that really what she is looking for?

The girls I’ve gotten to know want some things they dare not write in their profile. What are these hidden gems? I want a man who won’t hurt me. I want a man who can pull off a real monogamous relationship. I want a man who will accept me the way I am. I want a man who will stay, care, love, and in bad times or good, be my partner. Although these are secrets not shared, there is a bigger secret here. Us guys want the same things. In singles today there are communication gaps the size of Texas.

“What’s the difference?” I asked him. “Between the love of your life, and your soulmate?”

“One is a choice, and one is not.”

― Tarryn Fisher

So, why the communication gap? My guess is to voice these to another human is to be perceived as vulnerable. The truth is that we are already vulnerable, whether said or held inside. These things are within all of us. I know for me, if I am ever going to find my forever, I must first remove the iron cladding that surrounds my heart. It’s a scary process. We search through hundreds of online profiles and finally one stands out. Should I contact her? What if she ignores me? Pragmatic me wins and I say hello. She messages me back and we are on our way. After a while, we speak by phone, then we meet. Will there be a connection? I liked her a lot. Did she feel the same?

A day goes by and nothing. Then a week. One day you run into her profile again and wonder why. By the way. Girls guys, it happens this way to all of us. No one gender holds the franchise for being vulnerable. The girls I’ve met who are the least vulnerable tend to be girls who have been single longer. Have they “seen it all”? And now just care less or believe less? Or have they learned to mask their vulnerabilities better over time?

“Having perfected our disguise, we spend our lives searching for someone we don’t fool.”

― Robert Brault

I have many disguises myself. If I’m down but have to be around a lot of people. No one would know I’m down. I have a smile for that. If I am emotionally beat up and have a first meeting with someone. They can’t tell. Maybe I’m looking for the one that can. Perhaps my forever love will see past my disguises and know what I’m feeling. Is that a function of a soulmate? I ponder these things constantly.

I honestly believe when two hearts beat as one that something magical happens. Something unexpected. You feel one another, you somehow have an invisible connection linking your hearts together. I believe mutual love does that. Love, when both are there, will create a bond the world cannot conquer. My forever is out there. Waiting to share her life with me. Will I know her when we meet? Do I already know her? Questions….

“…and when one of them meets the other half, the actual half of himself, whether he be a lover of youth or a lover of another sort, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy and one will not be out of the other’s sight, as I may say, even for a moment…”

― Plato, The Symposium