By Kenneth Stepp
As I sit at the kitchen table, I am watching the hummingbird feeder out the window and watching a beautiful hummingbird get a drink from it. Then, to my surprise, it went to a real flower and did the same thing. The plastic flowers and the real ones look very different to me, but to my feathery friend, they seem the same.
You see, my friend is only looking for a few things and both have them. When we can only see the tree but miss the forest, we miss things we should see. This is how red flags get missed in the singles community today.
Think back. When a friend or relative told you that something was off about someone you were dating or thinking of dating. Imagine you were going from flower to flower and only seeing flowers. Then, there is one with sweeter nectar than the last.
You are outside in the sun, but your friend is at the kitchen table wondering why you aren’t seeing the whole picture. For expediency sake, we’ll call it nectar blindness. In the real world, there would be a smiley face here.
Most of us aging singles want a partner for some reason. These reasons can vary greatly. Some just want temporary intimacy, while others want something very deep and lasting. Whatever you are searching for, it is fine. Just be honest about what that is.
I know too many people who are looking for something deep and lasting, but must deal with those who have made their flowers look very real and natural. They have also perfected the language and lines of a professional florist. They make plastic flowers look great, till they don’t.
You were just fluttering about, minding your own business, enjoying a variety of sweet tasting flowers. Some would be friends, some would be more, all were different and none were permanent. So you take your bruised heart and take flight again….
Up ahead there is a field of gorgeous flowers. Every color, type, and smell. As you dive from one to the other, hoping for a connection, hoping to feel again, hoping to be accepted. You find yourself surrounded by choices, potentials, and well, maybe’s. Then, in walks the florist…
He has stories, he presents himself as something beautiful and unique. He lulls you into a calm and a peace that feels amazing. He makes you believe more in humanity. Good men do exist. He then hands you the most beautiful flowers. You can’t tell they’re plastic, he even scented them with his words. You bond, there’s a connection.
You can’t wait till the next day because the next day has hope, excitement, and is a relief from the fields you’ve been in the last few years. The sun comes up and you fly. This time with enthusiasm. This time with purpose. You had a reason to rise this morning.
You arrive at the field again and begin looking around. You notice others with flowers like yours. And in the distance there is a figure, it’s him, handing out more flowers, just like yours. The scent is gone, you look back at those flowers, they aren’t real, they are plastic. Fake…
I live in the singles community. The florist is everywhere. He manipulates, he grinds women down, he steals what little dignity they have left after being single so long. I wish we could brand them. They make it harder on everyone searching for something real. Real flowers have real beauty. They are as natural as love is. Accept nothing less.
Not all men are florists at all. I may be going hard at the florist. I’ve had friends who met him and I have loved some of those damaged by his trickery. He could be sincere one day, he may have a crisis of conscious. Whatever he may be in the future doesn’t help those who experience him along the way.
I tell my friends to be careful. I tell them to listen to their friends and those who love them. Nectar blindness is a real thing and will catch up to all of us on this journey. Know what love is and what love is not. Recognize the signs of fake and real people. For all of us swimming in this sea of singleness, just be nice. Kindness is never wasted.