Single Again… “Emotional Cycles”

By Kenneth Stepp


Many of us, or perhaps most of us believe there is a soul mate out there somewhere. This person was made just for us. Our perfect match. I for one hope so. But I’m unconvinced, yet open to the idea. I suppose the one I am searching for will answer that for me. Or, her absence will. In my travels, messages, talks, and meeting. I found myself in cycles constantly. One cycle is being alone and not searching for a while. One is being alone and looking as diligently as I can. The other is that I meet someone interesting, we see one another a few times, and then, something happens. It’s as if I was bracing for it every time. My thoughts are that this actually brought on failure. It seems I wasn’t the only one either. I hear stories of near misses all the time. Many end the same way. Inside of one or both people’s head. This creates, in my opinion, a pattern or cycle of failure.


This is one of those times when I wish I had the answer to this problem. Obviously I do not. But it is prevalent in the singles community and will probably continue. This is yet another one of those times where I bring the problem out in the open, but have no answer as to how to stop it. In my searching, speaking with, and meeting others. I find I am full of so much information on the problems and barriers we face, but sadly, have fewer answers as I go along. That makes me the furthest thing from an expert. Because I write about being single, dating, and matters of the heart, I get asked for my opinion on things about this journey often. I always start out by telling them they are asking someone who has failed at love 100% of the time. It’s why I’m single today.


Having thrown that proviso out there, I do what I can to help them. Many meet me for lunch and spill what happened. It’s always great meeting someone face to face. And lunch seems to be the perfect way to do it. One of my favorite things to do is to have a virtual friend become a real life friend. I have so many, and many are Facebook friends. I enjoy watching their lives go by on my screen. Relationships, adventures, etc. Some find the person they were meant to be with and get married. Those are my favorites to watch do life as a couple. Maybe it kept my dream alive all through these years. I guess that could be part of it. Most of us will never get there. But all of us hope to. It’s a sad reality. But a realistic one. The math isn’t in our favor.


Today I find myself in a cycle. Although it is difficult to figure out which one. I do know I was uncomfortable where I was emotionally and mentally. I felt lost. I have found my light at the end of the dark tunnel. Have you ever experienced this? I speak with others who have been here many times. This is a cycle that I believe I have mastered, finally. I’ve never been here before, because of the clarity I have today is what has changed everything. Have you ever found yourself in these cycles? I know I’m not alone. Maybe we should open a club. Cycles Anonymous Group, or C.A.G. Yep. That might be a great place to start. Can you imagine the conversations in the group? Several confused people trying to explain a problem they don’t yet understand. It would make a great comedy skit. Of course. It doesn’t sound helpful. So we will look for better solutions.


Broken cycles are the goal these days. I love where I am today and am holding tightly to it. I meet a love interest that can think beyond their damage and baggage, and look past my own. A day when sanity and reason rule the day. When only “us” are there. Not advisors or cheerleaders. Just us. Making up our own mind about one another based solely on what we do inside the relationship. Not on what others perceive or say. One day that will happen. Or, maybe it won’t. We all deserve that. Perhaps this is what ends cycles. Just two people being real with one another. Who knows? It could happen….


“To say that one waits a lifetime for their soulmate to come around is a paradox. People eventually get sick of waiting or take a chance on someone, and by the art of commitment become soulmates, which takes a lifetime to perfect.”  (edited)

Criss Jami, Venus in Arms