By Kenneth Stepp
Years of strife, years of hard fought emotions warring with one another. Pressing this quest to win over this battle of emotions. Nights of frustration, confusion, and pain. The road has been rough, the fight for sanity has waned over time. My sight has dimmed. My visage aged, my patience tested. When will this be over?
What will define winning? Does anyone really win this battle? Are we all destined to leave all we have, all we ever will be, and all we have been on this bloody stage? Not so much defining, but knowing when we have reached our journeys end. Knowing when we have nothing left to give. Are we alone lying face down and beaten? Or is there more?
My journeys end is just over the hill from this battle. She waits for me. I can feel her. I can hear her voice being carried by the wind. The wind hits my face as I battle towards that hill. The wind carries her voice to me. I hear her words, don’t stop, I am here, just ahead, I am here, I wait for my brave knight. I wait for my forever. She calls me and I know her. My goal now is to fight my way over this hill, this high hill has become the wall I must climb. My forever is there, she calls me. She strengthens me.
The doubt that has plagued me since the battle began is smaller now. I have this one chance to see my forever and for her to see me. I accept her and she will me. I cannot stop, I fight further down the valley towards that hill. The only love I will ever know is on the other side. I must be victorious. Winning the prize of my life. This wonderful person has become my goal. Does she know my name or simply know me? Does she really know me? I am obsessed with reaching that hill. No one will stop me. I came to win. I came to win her. My forever love.
The battle rages, warriors fall on either side of me, and all around me. I cannot, I will not be defeated, I am on a mission. She is my calling. The Earth moves to make us one, to call us forever lovers. This is where I stand, other warriors can not stand in my way. I am determined. I am invincible. Like a boulder racing down to the valley below. There is no one who can stop me now. I know she is there. The wind told me so. The wind carried part of her spirit to me.
I charge the hill. My opponents see it in my eyes. A raging fire that can only be quenched by her voice, her touch, her embrace. I see only fear in theirs. She knows I am almost there. I feel her just ahead. Standing between us are those who will only fall because we have connected. We know we are close. She can see me as they fall all around me. I stand on that hill. She is in full sight now. Beauty I never thought could be. I am almost to her. My entire body is on fire now, not from battle, but from being in her presence.
I stand before her. We stare into one another’s eyes. There are no words, only our hearts speak. I bow to one knee, I hand her my sword, I bow my head. She asks, have you won this battle only to quit in the end? No my love, I said. I fought this battle to surrender myself to my forever love. This is not quitting. This my love, is beginning…….
Below was written by someone who loved the knight who loved someone else.
My Knight’s Surrender
By Dana Harrell
I stand on the hill. Independent, alone, free. The wind blows through my hair, the rains come
and go. The sun burns and the cold bites at my fingers and face. Still I wait. I cannot move lest
he will not find me. For years I have stood as a sentry at my post. Stoic, unfeeling, unchanging
on the outside while on the inside, my heart cries for the love I have waited for.
I watch in silence as he battles his demons. I pray that he can navigate his fallen dreams and
his broken heart. I know that if he can, he will finally come to me. I will myself to stay even when
it is painful for me to watch.
Closer and closer he comes. I call his name to the wind, pleading with him to keep going. Over
lifetimes and ages, we have loved and we are destined to continue that love throughout time. “I
am here, come to me.”
The wind whispers in my ears….screams in my ears….”He is not yours…can you not hear her
call? Can you not see the look in his eye?”
For a moment, he looks to me…then, he looks past me. Behind me she stands. Her voice sings
on the swirling wind. She stands tall and strong, the picture of “perfection” in his eyes.
He looks to me again, pleading for me to make the pain go away. I am frozen in time, I cannot
move, cannot breathe. The one I have prayed for, have waited for, have longed for, climbs the
final hill and continues past the ledge I stand perched upon. Their eyes meet and the world, full
of pain, falls away for him.
I stand, stoic and strong as a statue while my insides dissolve into a mass of emptiness. For
him, I have waited and dreamed. I believed that he was my forever…but in my dreams I heard
her calling his name…and I knew.
And now, my broken heart hurts when I think of his gaze. On my head is burned the image of
the moment he got on his knee and looked into her eyes. The walls that tumbled were just
inches from me. My silent screams cry “NO”…but my love has gone. He has disappeared into
his forever…and I am but a casualty that stood, momentarily, in the way.