By Kenneth Stepp
Deception… As I write this word I am reminded how harsh it sounds. To be deceived, lied to, or maybe even to be over promised. At any point, it means we’ve been offered something that wasn’t delivered. If we were dealing with an online purchase, we could get a refund. But in a relationship where feelings or emotions are currency, once spent they’re gone forever.
Hello, my name is Joe. I am looking for great depth and my forever love. I love puppies, walks on the beach, love stories, and monogamy. That is basically what a girl reads about a man on a dating site or in a singles group. The reality about Joe is that he hasn’t told the truth since 1990, is a serial dater, and loves to play games. For which he has perfected his lines.
Dating today is so different from what I remember. I was with my wife for 24 years. When we met, I was single, she was not. Things changed and we dated for several years. At no point did I want someone else. We were dating to move us closer to the goal of forever love. Closer to our future together. And nothing felt like a game. We were perfecting us not our act. Things have changed so much.
Change in my world has been a mixed bag. I’d like to think that I have, through change, evolved into a much better man than I was back then. To accomplish this I had to learn that there are people who will be options and many others who will be distractions. Learning the difference between the two will be why forever is possible with someone.
There are many reasons we join dating sites or singles groups. Seeking friends, dating, deliver us from monotony, sex, hope, comfort, etc. I suppose over the last 8 years that I’ve experienced all the above and more. I believe we were all created to be part of something. A tribe, a community, maybe even a pack.
For me, I am alone a lot. Although being alone is something I have grown to navigate quite well. It isn’t natural for me. As a real alpha male, I am a leader. Leaders are to be leading someone. And a real alpha male never leads anyone into danger. They are there to protect their tribe from danger. I guess that’s one of the reasons I write. I want to protect my readers by showing them the landscape ahead.
I mentioned being a real alpha male for this reason. A friend of mine and I had this conversation this morning. Alpha males are all she’s attracted to. She stated that many women have no idea what an alpha looks like. That jealous, mouthy, angry guy you believe is an alpha is not an alpha. He’s a deception. An illusion. Look for the quiet man who will stand between you and the world. That’s the real deal.
I read a girl’s profile once that blew me away. I suppose it was when I was first a single again guy and that’s why I was impressed. She spoke of all the things she wanted to do, how virtuous she was and how much love she had to give. The reason I remembered her is that we did in fact date. We saw one another for 2 months. She visited me during the week mostly. I work from home so it worked. My naive heart was falling so hard. One day her husband called me. I think he and I were both crushed. I had no clue and neither did he.
Deception is a real thing in the dating community. Many plot and plan and many others have no idea they are deceiving anyone. Self awareness isn’t alive and well anymore. I see it in the sites, groups, and sadly, the relationships I am allowed to observe. My goal is to encourage people to get to know themselves, get honest with themselves, and get honest with others.
Self awareness would end much of the deceptions in the dating journey. It hit me a few years back. How easily we can damage others by not keeping ourselves in check. Love people, use things. Keep that in the right order.
#comefindme
