Single Again… Better Than a Three

By Kenneth Stepp

Ok, the title is an odd one but I am hoping in a few paragraphs I can unpack what I mean by such a strange title. Lately I have been trying to figure out some of the major problems with the singles community today. Today I will touch on one of them.

My dad appears in many of the pieces I write. My dad was an alpha male, kind, considerate, and always a gentleman. He smiled constantly and was always there for his friends. When he married my mom he was in it for life. 

And by in that I mean, he was responsible for his wife and kids and would do whatever was needed to take care of them. His generation was actually the protect and serve generation. This is where my thoughts began.

I think back on my dads and his friends. His friends were much like him. They gave up their right to be self centered and players when they got married and had kids. Their focus would be to be a good husband and a good man and to show their kids what a good man looked like.

I know what you’re thinking. There were bad guys back then too. And because of that I believe we can use a sliding scale to grade the men back then. I believe they were a solid 7 on average across the board. Yes there were 3s and there were 9s. But on average they were 7s.

These men lived life with honor. They believed in loyalty, valor, and purpose. Their purpose would always be their families. These men on average, were very good men. I know I’m repeating myself a lot but this is a touchy subject and I want people to understand that I am not denigrating men today. I’m merely pointing out the obvious. 

Flash forward to today. Men have changed. Men no longer believe the family is sacred. They no longer stand guard at the door and protect those inside. If something doesn’t go their way or someone shakes a shinier object at them, they’re gone. Not the solid 7s from my fathers day at all. 

Keep in mind that first, I hope things change for the better and not get worse. I believe the men of today are an average of 3s. Yes there are 2s and some 5s. But the kind of man my dad was would be a dinosaur in today’s world. He would also be ashamed of what happened to his fellow man. 

Think of the language changes that have taken place because of men not being the best they can be. I hear people saying they are looking for a long term relationship. Long term still denotes a time frame. A term is limited and ends. I want forever. I see so many memes and quotes to love yourself. Real unconditional love never works that way. We are a vessel created to pour love out of, not direct it inward.

The term, “long term relationship” exists because men have failed miserably. And women are told to love themselves because they are not being honored and loved properly by us guys. Respect is a huge part of this and most respect just long enough to get a woman’s guard down. 

I am writing more about myself here. I watch and observe every day. I have interviewed almost 300 men and women in the singles community. But more than anything I have lived every bit of this personally. 

I have been one of those 3s and a 2 from time to time. It’s easy to be part of a low average. It’s harder to self reflect and realize the damage I’ve caused and the pain I’ve left in my wake. I am one of the lucky ones. I had great parents that were determined to raise good men. I only wish I had lived that way all of my life.

I have been dwelling on this hypothesis for over a week now. I have a very wise friend I spoke with about my thoughts here. She said at least I know who I am now. I smiled and said, yes I do. I am better than a three. She laughed.

It’s time to step up our game guys. Unless we are willing to take a very hard look at what we’ve become and what we are losing, we have no chance of changing. 



  1. Great article. Now if men will only read it. I can’t speak for all women but for myself, I’m looking for that 7 the protector, guide, man of God, my other part. In todays world, it’s swipe left and hope the next one is better. Exhausting, frustrating and why we give up. Me strong? Yeah, but not by choice.

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