Single Again… Is It You?

By Kenneth Stepp


So, this morning as I start my day, I put on my business hat and began digging in. Then my mind started to drift. Who is she? I’m speaking of my girl, the one I will spend the rest of my life with, the person who will protect my heart with all she has, the girl I will adore forever. Then I had a thought. What if she isn’t at all like I think she will be. Worse than that, what if I’m not what she was looking for. Imagine us meeting, not seeing what we want. All the while knowing something is there. We just aren’t sure what. I for one would have to proceed, gut feelings are there for a reason. Follow them…


As I often do, I went further with these thoughts. I wondered how many of us discard someone because they didn’t fulfill “the list” of things we felt our forever love would have. What if they are uneducated? Poor grammar? Drive an old car? Poor? What if they are not as good looking as you thought? What if the person you are meant to be with is not at all like the dream you have in your head? What if the person who will love you more than you could ever have imagined was overlooked by you because of the picture you had of your forever love? What is real unconditional love worth? I know what you are thinking. That is a lot of what ifs and a lot to look past. But. This is how I process. And for me, I want that kind of love, and I would give up anything to have it.


My thoughts take me back in time. I once met a girl who I got to know pretty well. I asked her how her search for her soulmate was going. She said, most of the guys out there are looking for someone to take care of them. I asked why she felt that way? She answered. They don’t own a house, they drive old cars, and make very little money. My heart sank for her. I said, don’t you own a house? Yes, she said. Do you need two? You live a great lifestyle. Adding someone who struggles financially to your life is still adding. I believe my friend was looking at life through her own preconceived idea that everyone should be in the same place as her. And everyone isn’t. It wasn’t a mystery why my dear friend had been looking for her man for over two decades. She was looking for a man like her, so to speak.


This journey brings so many interesting and wonderful people into our lives. I know it has mine. Many have become my friend. Some found their soulmate. Many are happier than they have ever been. I’m always glad to see that. I love cheering them on. Most… They are still here, looking, hoping, praying. My hope is that I never overlook anyone because I have developed “List Blindness”. If they do not fulfill my list, then they cannot be her. What a silly thing to think. But I have thought it. And that thought is now in my rear view. The heart I am looking for will join my heart. Maybe that’s the only thing I should allow on my list. Maybe I overlooked her already. That is a terrible thought. Look back in time and see if you have. I believe it happens quite often. Maybe that’s why so many of us remain searchers instead of soulmates.


Sometimes I feel her right around the corner. Sometimes I wonder if we already know one another and are down deep trying to figure things out. Maybe I will reach that place where I can look her in the eye and ask the most important question I will ever ask…. Is it you?


We have a choice to enjoy life or endure life. Make the right choice…


  1. Yes, exactly, I’ve gotten 2 the point where I’ve told myself 2 b more open 2 someone different than who I think I should b with. Kinda like the mentality of if u want something or someone you’ve never had you need 2 do something you’ve never done. I find myself being more intentional in the way I’m going about my search 4 my Bashert.

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