Women Don’t Want Bad Boys

By Lindy Earl

            The mistaken belief that women want a bad boy is far too widespread.  The lie is completely false yet it persists.  I recently had a gentleman try to convince me that there is a hidden place within every woman and that’s where our unknown need for a bad boy exists. Well, if it’s hidden and we don’t know about it, then how would he know that it exists? It doesn’t.

            A question was recently asked in some very unscientific research and the results were overwhelmingly in favor of a good man over a good time.  In fairness, one response was for a good time. Several women commented that once you find the good man, a good time will follow. The point remains that well over 90% of the fifty respondents opt for a good man over a bad boy.

            So why is there confusion?  I think I figured it out.  What women DO want is an Alpha Male.  You know the guys who know how to take charge? The ones who make you feel safe and protected and they have a great masculine energy about them.

            I was once picking up a friend at the airport and I got turned around and slightly lost. He called me as he deplaned and I was in a bit of a state. He instantly took charge and said something like, Don’t worry. I’ll find you.

            He immediately calmed me down!  Just having someone on whom I could rely, even though, actually, I don’t know how he would have found me, focused me. His calm assurance grounded me sufficiently so that I was able to get my bearings and meet him as planned.  All good.  It was his take-control attitude that I needed, and wanted. He is an alpha male.

            What women do not want is a whiney baby. We gave birth to those. We love them, but from the minute that they were born, our job was to raise them to successfully leave us and become independent and productive members of society. People who can support themselves, live socially acceptable lives, and be positive and responsible members of society.

            If we don’t want to take care of our children for the rest of their lives, why would women want a man who needs to be taken of like that?

            Now I, like all the women who I know, am more than happy to take my part in a relationship. We are kind and thoughtful and giving.  We do not just demand nice dinners out and finish the honey-do list from the men in our lives.  Most of the women, maybe all, I know are incredibly strong women. No, not all. I know some women who are incredibly dependent on their husbands and can’t so much as balance a check book. But they are few and far between.

            The majority of women I know are incredibly strong.  They shoulder great responsibilities both at work and home. They often do this without complaining or even questioning.  This is their life. They are strong because they have to be strong. Life has made them stronger than they ever expected that they could be. Some may have been born that way, but others had the strength thrust upon them and some had it demanded from them.

            These are the women who definitely need alpha males.  It’s just an uncomfortable imbalance for the woman to be stronger than the man. 

            Yes, we still want nice guys.  In fact, alpha males tend to be incredibly nice.  They can be, because they are very comfortable in their masculinity and realize that being nice does not diminish their virility. In fact, a strong man who knows how to be gentle and kind is sexy!

            So what lead to the confusion that women want bad boys? I think too often the jerks out there, the creeps who use women or are just rude and insensitive, despite their poor behavior, women can see the alpha in them. And women want the strength that they see in the men, and will even tolerate the bad boy behavior to get to the alpha male.  In time it fails because eventually a woman will wake up and realize that she shouldn’t be treated poorly. It takes longer for some than others.

            So this misunderstanding that women want a bad boy – No! We want a strong man. We want a protector. We want someone who knows what they want and are willing to go after it – some call that a leader. And yes, we want a leader.

We are strong because the world has demanded it of us, but we want a man who is stronger than us. Who will take our hand and say, “It’s okay. I got this,” whether it’s deciding where to eat supper or getting the car fixed.

As I said, women are still willing to do our part.  We do not always need your help in, for instance, choosing new furniture, but we value your opinion because you’ll be using it too. So part of being an alpha male is being there with your thought-out response when asked a question.

In today’s world, both genders are perfectly capable of making it on their own. But life is so much more fun with someone beside you, for good and bad times.  Women, hold out for an alpha male, and men, be the alpha male – the responsible, nice, considerate, thoughtful, truthful, trustworthy, kind, honest, caring, compassionate, loyal, mannerly, respectful, and top it off with a great sense of humor, man.

The alpha male, strong, confident, capable, may be a dying breed. Bring it back. That’s what women want!

            Lindy is a Speaker, Columnist, Author, and Consultant.  Contact her at LMEarl@EarlMarketing.com or find her on Face Book.