Single Again… The Revolving Door

By Kenneth Stepp

I grew up in Louisville Kentucky. When I was a kid and we went to town, I always marvelled at the revolving doors on the buildings we’d visit. I can still remember the first one I saw. I was fascinated by it. I had to play with it for a while. Mom was so patient. As entertaining as that revolving door was when I visited the city, the one that is on center stage to a person that finds themselves single again, is just awful. I now have a revolving door in my heart, If you are single at an age when you thought you’d never be, you probably have one too…

I’ve been single for over six years now. I have met so many wonderful people along the way. I’m straight, so most are women. I have gotten very close to some, we bonded in a way that our hearts became entangled. Most have a place and will always have a place in my heart. Recently I began purging the one sided relationships in my life, we all have them, These are relationships that are all giving and no receiving. I found that eventually, they become toxic for me.

In a world where there is an app or drug for just about everything, neither will repair your heart, they simply distract it from the pain momentarily. I have immersed myself in social media before, just to ease the hurt in my heart. I have a friend that takes meds for the same thing, I tried one once. That pill made me change who I was for a day, I believe I could talk to dolphins on that stuff. I think I’ll stick the my internet instead. My point is, whether it’s alcohol, drugs, or or your choice of technology, we all lean on distractions when we hurt.

The word relationship means something different for all of us. I have five people in my tribe, they are my best friends. I trust them, love them, and would do anything for them. To get to that level of a relationship takes work, it takes going through some tough stuff together. Sometimes it’s just watching how someone handles themselves when things fall apart around them. You get a glimpse at their character, their integrity, and their strength. Many relationships were built on admiration.

Caring too much… Have you ever done that? For me, these are the relationships that tear us up. You emotionally invest in a person who seems genuine enough, you work at showing them you care, that they can trust you, and that you will be someone they can depend on. Then one day, it hits you. You’ve done all this, only to have received nothing from them. That is a toxic relationship. If it’s a superficial friendship, it’s okay to allow it to continue. But if you are investing and they aren’t, believe me, stop immediately. There are many who will parasitically hang on as long as it continues to benefit them. These friendships are never good for you. I’ve learned to cut ties.

Romantic or friendship relationships have the same dynamics. Both have real emotional investments and physical investments. Both require a certain amount of energy to make them continue as they are. It’s for this reason that those who would only take are wasting your time and resources, not to mention, the painful inevitable ending that’s coming. As I stack the years up as a single person, I’m slower to let others in now. I want to know who they are, are they honest? Are they fake in the way they live? How do they treat others, talk about others, exes, and old friendships? Everyone has character, but some have more than others. These days, I wait to see, eventually, they will show me.

Being single is not easy, or at least it hasn’t been for me, nor has it for my friends. If we were all honest about who we are, stayed loyal to those who are loyal to us, and found value in everyone we meet, I think being single would look so much more appealing. Surround yourself with genuine hearted people. Life will be so much easier.