By Kenneth Stepp
Being single and finding never ending love is simple, right? You just smiled… Love is never simple. The relationship we seek isn’t simple either. As a matter of fact, it may be impossible. In my head, the relationship I have is an impossible dream. This is something I only recently realized. I’ll try to unwrap this thought for you.
Why is what’s in my head impossible? Because times have changed and relationships, or good ones, are moving targets. In other words, we’re always distracted. The internet has brought us so much info on so many things, these things, in many cases, can be distractions. Dating sites and apps can be entertaining, they can be ego boosters as well. But digital is not real.
Real is when we meet physically. That means ambiguity is gone, we really look like this and the context of our words are clear. When I became single again, this surprised me. Another issue keeping us from being in a committed relationship is the rush. We are all in such a hurry to be where we want to be. That seldom serves us well.
Let’s talk about what I believe is the number one reason I am single today. History… As I picture my life with my forever love, my mind always, and I mean always, goes back to my marriage. Not the last part, but the middle part of it. We were raising kids, building a life together, and we were a team back then. We had purpose, and that purpose affected the rest of the team. That mattered to us. Today, society as a whole is much more self centered than selfless.
When I meet someone today, I have to be on guard for certain things, red flags is what we call them and they are very real. When I meet someone today, we won’t be raising children together, we won’t be the kind of team I remember, and we will already have lives. Lives that now must be blended, that is seldom easy.
Then there is a huge issue. Family, we both have family. I remind people all the time, if you fall in love, you aren’t just doing life with that person, you’re doing life with their family too. You may gel wonderfully with this person, but if you do not gel with their family, then you are simply trying to make something happen that will never work.
So, what do we do? This is where I stop short of giving advice. I honestly do not know. It’s a conundrum for sure. The rush, distractions, the picture of what we want in our minds, and family are a daunting bunch. Can these be defeated? They are all quite real. I haven’t even touched on their friends, past baggage and damage. The odds are not pretty at all.
Now you know how my mind works these days. I find myself at a crossroads daily. Only there are too many roads to figure out which direction to travel. And there’s that distraction thing again. When I met my wife, many years ago, none of these issues were there, or, they weren’t considered at least. Is finding forever love impossible? Stay tuned…