By Kenneth Stepp
When I became single again, I was told to join a singles site called, Plenty Of Fish. It was interesting and many of the people I met there are still my friends to this day. The best friend I have in the world was a potential I met on that site over 7 years ago. I mention this site, not because of who I met, but because the fish part indicates a sea or large body of water.
Water, pools, oceans, lakes. They all have something in common. They have shallow water and they have deep water. I have learned most of my fellow singles hang out in the shallows, and the shallows would be most of this sea. Those few that are tired of what comes from the shallows swim out to the deep end and dive deep. It’s risky, there is no air there, you can’t stand up and breathe. You are under the water until you can make your way back to the top for air.
In the shallows we can chat to one another, in the shallows we are safe. The shallows is where plans, and personas are perfected. The future victims and the players in waiting are there, practicing their lines until they know them by heart. It’s a large community. I believe it makes up the majority of the singles out there. The more time spent in the shallows, the less likely they will ever experience real depth.
These thoughts haunt those of us who want their old lives back. You remember. Part of a couple, a partner, comradery, and let’s not forget, deep conversations. Why did I not mention sex? Because there are plenty of opportunities for that in the shallows. The deep is where we will find forever love. The deep is where “endure is replaced with enjoy. The deep is where we will risk it all. We take our exposed heart and dive.
In these years since becoming single I have experienced most everything I talk about here. I have spent my time in the shallows, much of it I suppose. The people are nice for the most part, the party is bigger, the music may even be louder. But she isn’t there. I’m sure she spent time there but outgrew it or just got tired of it. For me and I’m certain for her, it stopped being fulfilling, exciting, and in some cases safe.
You see, the shallows is where we are dropped off when we become single. Many get used to it and accept it as a way of life, a lifestyle. Some realize the water surrounding them doesn’t cover but their legs. They wake up and say, there is so much more to me and I bet there is so much more to my future partner. At that point it’s, stay single and alone, and some do, or start walking to the middle where the water overtakes you. Love can’t exist in shallows. The depths are where you will find it. The risks are many and real. You will already know this.
No lasting relationship ever grew without risks. Plenty of them. She’s perfect but can I live with this, he’s amazing but I wonder if I can ever accept this side of him. The list goes on. The longer we are single, the longer that list. The longer that list, the more work, the more understanding, and the more acceptance is needed. The ladder we will climb to take that deep dive never has a line in front of it. It’s a personal choice to jump off. The damage that might come from it is almost incalculable. The rewards are priceless.
Enjoy the shallows, heal, learn to meet new people, even have some fun. But when you roll over in your bed at 2:00 am and reach out to only catch air. Know you aren’t alone in your journey, just alone for the moment. Weigh the risk. Maybe we will meet in line at the ladder. Soulmates, I believe will meet eventually. Maybe more than once. Love is a wonderful thing when you find it. Good luck in your journey.
#comefindme
