By Kenneth Stepp
This morning I realized that I was having many more emotions than usual. Past loves, regrets, near misses, and those that only seemed like bad timing. It took years for me to discover that love is not enough, that two people can have forever love between them and not make it in the future. I should have known but being male and stubborn, I refused to know.
Emotions… This is a great topic for me because mine get away from me on a regular basis so I should be an expert by now. Back to my awakening to the fact that love is not enough. I have loved since becoming single again after 24 years with what I believed would be forever.
Upon discovering love isn’t enough it dawned on me why I’m having a tsunami of emotions. The reason? I left love behind and had to begin searching for forever elsewhere. This means I love someone I will never be with. I don’t believe I’m alone in this at all. The truth is, I believe I’m in the majority.
I’ve heard so many define love. Many sound poetic, romantic, and full of fresh air. And a few sound more like they are describing how much they love candy. Maybe that’s part of the reason we find ourselves in this situation. We have small pieces of our hearts residing with people we are no longer with. It’s a working theory I suppose.
In my title I say this is about navigating emotions. I didn’t say, navigating love. I’ve met some who confuse the two. Love does evoke many emotions. But love isn’t emotions. In my world things have to make sense. You can love each other and still not be a match. I’ve lived this. It can be devastating.
I tend to describe myself as a romantic who is hyper-logical. Things have to add up before I think of someone as a match. There are things about me that won’t match with many out there. And once I’m pursuing forever, I will have to change so much about the way I am doing my daily life. The relationship has to look solid enough for me to do that.
Next, do we like the same things or at least open to the passions one another have. I love art, history, historic architecture, and day trips. When I fall for someone who doesn’t we eventually drift apart and become memories of what could not of been. Trust me, there will be times when emotions come back around because of these memories.
I am in a pursuit right now. My Hope O Meter is going full speed. I think if we are to pursue someone we should turn that thing up all the way. Hope is a thing. I am still unsure it’s a good or bad thing, but I know it’s important either way. To have hope means you can see a future. Well, until you can’t. I guess that’s why I can’t decide if hope is bad or good. Maybe it’s both.
Being single means we must learn to navigate many things. Loneliness, finances, ego, not enough accountability, ego, despair, and yes, hope. Looking back hopes dashed were always involved in my emotions. But then again, so was hope itself. Some of us know what we want but aren’t sure how to get it.
My advice is that if what you think is forever is in sight, be bold, give your effort, and remember that communication is key. If you’re thinking it, say it. Kindly of course. In the meantime, think about the wheel in your hand. Adjust your sails towards peace and stay the course.
