Single Again… Lost In A Moment

By Kenneth Stepp

I must warn my readers. This article is self centered and all about me. I apologise in advance.

Moments aren’t minutes. They are phases, enlightened time frames, seasons, even era’s, etc. The last few days I have found myself lost in a moment. I’ve been single for almost 8 years. I have met some amazing girls along the way. I have loved and been loved. I’ve fallen, at least in two cases, for girls I could not hold for very long. At least not as my forever love. Great friends instead. And that isn’t a small thing at all.

Getting back to the last few days. I’ve been seeing someone for a while now. I have loved and not matched in the past and I have matched and not loved as well. I now find myself in unchartered territory. These waters are deep and beautiful to behold. I’ve fallen for my perfect match. Honestly, I have written about this for years. Now that I’m here, it’s far more wonderful than I could have ever imagined.

The most surprising part of this new moment I am in is the fact that I fought hard to not be in it. There she was, in front of me, being patient and cute as can be. But I was always dragging my past and other things that would not be healthy for a relationship, in front of her. Blocking my view of her. Trying hard not to complete this amazing connection. Self sabotaging my possible future as much as I could.

Why would I do that? As a proud member of the Overthinkers Club of America, I believe it to be my failures from the past, old flames reappearing like my revolving door has always allowed, and a host of other life ruining reasons. The fact that she waited at all is incredible. The round trip from my home to hers is 250 miles. I used to visit and stay the night because of the distance. Nowadays I visit and stay the week. My evolution is ongoing.

My mom thinks that maybe I simply matured enough to have this kind of relationship. She had 3 boys, of which, I am the youngest. As a male I find I slide into manhood and boyhood easily. One minute I’m repairing something in the house, the next minute I’m looking at monster trucks online and imagining crushing a car with it. At least I don’t make a gun with my hand and go pew pew any more. A smiley face should be here.

So for many years I have written about my journey as a single older man. I have written about the people I’ve met along the way. We are all related. Not by blood, but by path. Our paths make us family. Our journeys are the same. The dynamics may be different, but the goal is the same. My goal has always been to find forever love. The last lips I’ll kiss. My partner. Today it is my belief I have. Today, I crossed that line…

So, what’s next? I suppose I should ask, what’s next for us? As in times before when faced with potentially my soulmate, we see what happens next. I will say that we’ve spent more time together than I have ever spent with anyone. We never tire of one another. We even quarantined for 10 days together in the beginning. We spent every waking moment together, never tiring of one another’s company. 

I love the moment I am in right now. And yes, I know the fragility of these moments. But I am hopeful and will remain so. Today I wrote about me. I seldom do that. This moment is a happy moment for me and I believe for her as well. So, I have my lucky rabbit’s foot, my fingers are crossed on both hands, and last night I wished upon a star. 

I hope we all get here and I hope my moment turns into a lifetime. For now, we are both enjoying our moment together. Wish us luck.