By Kenneth Stepp
I’ve been single for 8 years next month. And next month is just one day away. In that 8 years I have spent almost all of them writing about being single, dating, love, and relationships. I wanted to spend some time recapping some things that I have learned along the way.
Games are being played constantly, there are 4 categories of single people who date, and things seldom end the way we want. This is certainly a mouthful. So what do I mean by games. Remember, I’m not just talking about what I have experienced. I am also speaking of what I see as an audience member watching things play out.
I’m getting ready to be very unscientific and use made up math. I observe everything. I notice far more than people think I do. In my past life I was an investigator and a darn good one. As an investigator you learn the art of seeing more than most would ever imagine. Let’s unwrap this.
I believe that most, we’ll call it, 90% of single men play games. I also believe maybe half of them know they do this. Many believe they are still that man who raised his kids and was the husband to his wife for 20 years. His view of who or what he is has not caught up with who he became. This is natural in many today.
Let me add that I was that guy for the first few years I was single. I was still that serious man looking for that serious relationship again. In reality, I couldn’t have pulled that off at all. But in my head I was always capable of the same relationship I left. I played games but had no clue I was doing it. The first category of single is oblivious and lack of self awareness.
The second category looks different. They’re the naive ones. I fall into this category too often. They think they understand themselves, their motives, and their view of the opposite sex. They can stay in game mode and never fully understand why relationships just never work out. Many stay stuck here for the rest of their lives.
The third category is my favorite. They stayed true to themselves and others. Being single never changed the faithful loving people they have always been. They somehow dodged the cynical thoughts, the damage they endured never changed who they truly were. They are a delight to know and keep in your life. If you break down they will come get you with no other motive except to help you.
The last and forth category is my least favorite people. They are devious. Their motives are purely self serving. Their agenda is always what they can get out of others. They play games and revel in the fact they can. If they are of normal intellect, their games are played more like a friendly game of checkers. The really smart ones play chess. They play what I call the long con. From sex to money, they just want to win. Sociopathic thoughts rule their mind and hearts.
I guess that the new “me” being upon me has me thinking more about those I’ve met along the way. I believe, like me, most of you want depth. Maybe even forever in a person. It is my belief that we all have good in us. It is also my belief that we grow that good or that bad side of us by choice. As a man, it’s much easier to be bad than good. The options seem endless. I realized a few years back that I get to decide who I will become. I must to be deliberate in my actions.
I talk about being a good human with a smile on my face. It doesn’t mean I’m not serious about it. My mom and dad raised three men. They were a shining example of good humans. For this my big brothers and I are thankful. In the end though, life is all about choices. Learning self awareness or even caring enough to consider it is so important. My dad always told us to leave people better than you found them. A worthy goal for all of us.
#comefindme
