Single Again… Equally Broken

By Kenneth Stepp

Hello, my name is Kenneth and I am broken. There, I said it. The truth is, if you’ve been single for a while, so are you. We know the proper ways to act but can no longer execute them. Instead we take the head knowledge and put ourselves out there only to find that our hearts won’t cooperate. This will cause us to go from flower to flower hoping to find forever and forever is always just around the corner with the next person we meet.

If this sounds familiar then you’ve been in the dating circuit long enough to be in the Battered Heart Club with me. I spoke with a friend this morning and our conversation led me to write about this phenomenon. She found a man who seemed to be a candidate for a real relationship. The conversation we had was one I’ve had with others in the past and no doubt someone somewhere has had that conversation with my name in it too.

He might be on the way out… This was her answer when I asked about her and her potential man. He says all the right things, he said he would do this and that and many other things to be in a relationship with me, she said. Then, no follow through. He’s always busy, or forgets, or maybe, just has perfected lines he knows she wants to hear.

Let me say this about him. I barely know him but do not believe he is evil, nor is he a pathological liar. He’s just a man who has been single long enough to have experienced mixed messages, or heard what women want enough times, and failed at enough relationships to always be ready with the lines a girl wants to hear but nothing follows. Mainly because none of us knows how to do real relationships anymore. 

The brokenness doesn’t stop at our hearts, it has broken the way we think. Words are now the currency we use to attract instead of the deeds we once used. Then when we meet someone who has finally broken free from this pattern and has the standards that won’t settle for words anymore. We stall. Timing means so much. If two people meet but are in differing phases of this cycle. It just can’t work.

I have been in love again. We were starry eyed and the butterflies were intoxicating. For a moment, it was heavenly. But like all moments, they are fleeting. She and I remain best friends today. It’s been years since that moment happened. It was a different time for both of us. I often say that we are all evolving. And as we are evolving, we have to develop ways to evolve into a better version of ourselves. Some do not.

So, are we equally broken? Is that a place we need to be with someone before it can work? I always have so many questions. I do however have an answer today. If we fail to understand that we are all a little or a lot broken, we will despise others for making decisions we no longer make or do not make. We all have experiences that create who we are and what we do. Or help mold our view of life.

Respect the fact that we aren’t them and they aren’t us. We all react differently to relationships because we are different. Broken has no pattern. They’re like snowflakes. Love the various shapes of flakes. How about loving the people along the way. Judging isn’t at all helpful and hasn’t worked so far….

#comefindme