Single Again… Did You Know?

By Kenneth Stepp

Ok, this is not about the song your church sings and possibly acts out at Christmas time. And if your name is Mary, it’s just a coincidence, nothing more. I have been single for 8 years and 3 months. My community is the singles community. I’ve also interviewed over 200 women and 45 men on the subject.

I run 2 singles groups on Facebook, I’ve written and published 2 books about being single, and I write a column for a local media about my singles journey. Do these things make me an expert on the subject? I have learned through all of this, there are no experts. 

Having said all that, I wanted to speak about some things I have learned along the way. First; we are all trying to figure out how to navigate these waters. Many of us try to show confidence but can’t always pull it off. That’s me in the back of the class with my hand raised. As a very alpha male, I struggle with showing my struggling side. 

First; No relationship will ever be perfect. You can marry your best friend and still have problems. Many of them. Then there are all the damaged hearts, bleeding all over everyone else. Mine does too. I don’t have the answer to how to stop this. I just know it’s an enormous issue. One that must be solved between 2 people if a real relationship is to grow.

The next few paragraphs should be filed under, Just My Learned Opinion;

The man problem; Ok, let’s get honest here.  Men are broken. I say this all the time. Let me explain what I mean. When I was being raised, men had a purpose. Many of them actually. We were to be providers, protectors, companions, and the Lion in front of the den, making sure things run smoothly for those inside. 

Today, men act much differently. Today either their purpose has shifted to a lifestyle (boats, 4 wheeling, bikes,etc). Their given purpose is gone. They have far too many “options” as far as a partner goes. Revolving doors are created because real true purpose has been lost. Girls today, or many of them, adapt to these various lifestyles. 

This gives the guys a pool of willing partners to go along for the ride. The revolving door speeds up. Respect is just a word at this point. I’m not even sure men are aware of this pattern but I see it as a constant in the singles community. Self awareness and tenacity are the only way to break these chains. And wanting them broken is a matter of integrity.

The girl glitch; Well, here we are. The fairer sex. I’ve been single over 8 years and met so many amazing women. Strong, smart, independent by force, and those beautiful souls. I watch them navigating the sea of singles. They are competing with girls who will do anything to have a man. Any man. Not a fair conundrum but a conundrum it is. It’s a sort of a puzzle. Even the ones who say, I’m happy alone. They realize something or someone is missing. The hundreds that I’ve interviewed candidly stated this.

My advice is tainted with failure 100% of the time but here it is;

Be yourself. Be authentically you. Your likes, dislikes, passions, and if you were raised with integrity, get back to it. You want a man to fall in love with the real you, not the you who reshapes to fit into other scenarios. And those men who came to themselves, who saw themselves and through much pain and effort went back to being the man their parents raised. They’re searching for real now. You be you. I bet the real you will be amazing to the man who is becoming real.

By the way. We are all becoming. Become something amazing and amazing will find you.