By Kenneth Stepp
I am unique… Everyone is actually. We all have integrity and our integrity is always at different levels from one another. What one person thinks is right might horrify someone else. I see this in life all the time. But it is more apparent to me in the singles community.
I’m guessing if you asked individuel single people how their integrity was on a scale of 1 to 10, most would give themselves high marks. The problem is that many have so little self awareness that they base their high marks on what they think not what they do.
I know I am in some muddy water here. Over the last 7 years, since becoming single, I have heard many stories, watched situations play out, and watched relationships explode in front of my eyes. It’s never pretty. I’m guessing the main reason is people enter relationships with strangers. That seldom ends well.
How much time does it take to know who someone is? It depends… That’s a weak answer, but the only right answer there is to this question. The important thing is that you know one another well before your commitment to each other. This isn’t always easy where distractions exist, and distractions are always there.
Ladies, if you want a man just to have a man, you are not only headed for a bumpy roller coaster ride, when the ride ends you’ll be back in line with another ticket in your hand waiting to board the ride again. You see, we develop habits along the way. Not slowing down long enough to actually know a person’s heart will always end in flames.
If you are a mature single, you know how fast some want to go. By the time I’m know a girl well enough that I’m ready to meet, they have already working on someone else. Perhaps this explains my singleness. It also explains why I don’t go from one relationship to another. My next relationship will be based on integrity, friendship, and whether we have the same passions and goals.
Integrity: the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. The trouble with this definition is who decides if one’s morals are upright? Is this internal, societal, or emotional? Since all of these play a role, I’ll make it even simpler. If you’re a man or a woman and you lie to your lover for personal gain, you tipped the wrong end of the integrity scale.
Personal gain should never be a part of our idea of what is right or wrong. I’ve heard stories that make me cringe. There are those who play with hearts for the smallest of reasons. To act like you are someone you’re not to have an intimate moment, borrow money, or any other reason, makes a person part of the problem in the singles community.
I’ve noticed that there are predators and prey in the singles community these days. Having been raised by a gentleman to be a gentleman, this is so foriegn to me. It happens with both genders, I’m ragging on men at the moment because they are the main problem. Not because they are the only problem.
I have a lot of female friends, I also get asked from time to time by my readers, how can I find a good man? My answer is always the same. It has two parts. Maintain your standards and your standards will find you. And be the kind of woman that kind of man would want.
I hope everyone finds happiness. Either within or without a relationship, I hope you find it. For me, I was created to be a partner, I partner well. My guess is most of us feel this way. Although many would never admit it. It’s not a weakness, it’s a superpower.
