Single Again… After The Breakup, The Good and The Bad

By Kenneth Stepp

If you’ve been single long enough to have had more than 3 dates with the same person, you’ve experienced what happens when two people break up for good. How both people act afterwards speaks volumes of their personality and fragility. Since I qualify as a person that has gone through a breakup, more than once. I’ll discuss a few of mine and maybe add a friend’s story as well.

I have loved deeper than I thought possible before. I met a girl on a dating site back in 2013. Or I think that’s when it was. We lived very far from one another and my heart just wasn’t ready for a real relationship. Looking back, I wasted several women’s time. But, try as I must, I still met several that year. This is about one of them.

We met, she even took in a stray cat I had rescued. She owns a farm and cats happen when you own a farm. I really liked her. I loved her heart and attitude. But as time went on. My unresolved heart, the distance, and many other factors, we stopped seeing one another quickly. A couple of years later, we became roommates on her farm. It was during that time that I saw her worth. I escaped from the farm but left a smitten man.

Two years later, we became a we, a relationship, a couple. I believe we both knew it wouldn’t work. But love was there, maybe a few hormones too. We gave it a shot. Before we dated we had become best friends. We inevitably didn’t last but the feelings stayed. We waited a month or so and began talking again. We decided to save our friendship above all else. And over the last 3 years, we have remained best friends. A classy ending indeed.

Next was a girl I dated for almost 2 years. In the beginning I wasn’t convinced we had a shot at all. We were so different. But she was so sweet or seemed that way. I gave it all when we committed to one another. I believe she did as well. When it dawned on me we had no future, I broke it off completely. We just had no chance. In my mind it was best. I cared about her and knew we would never be.

What happened next surprised me. She told people I used her. I do not use anyone. She needed to be a victim. Not sure what damage in her caused her to justify hurting others to make herself feel good. But the nonsensical things she said about me were horrific. I had no job. I work for myself and have 3 jobs, or 3 revenue streams. As far as using her, I may have figured that one out. She knew it would hurt me.

Then the girl I began seeing a few months after our breakup was used as the tale of the other woman. I’d never had a conversation with the new girl till almost 3 months after our split. I’ve never been unfaithful in my life and couldn’t believe the things that were said. Remember, some people you meet on the internet can be nightmarish when things end. 

The reason using her came up. she and I started dating and after 3 months she asked me if I just wasn’t attracted to her. This is because we had not been intimate. I do not rush those things anyway. I told her that I saw no future for us and I never wanted to think I used her. I believe this is where she remembered what a big deal that was to me and used it. There were other things, all equally untrue. A nightmare for sure.

I spoke with a friend about it and she informed me that this is the what helps her sleep at night. Being rejected for having a 28 year old son as a freeloader in her house was the main reason. I work 7 days a week. He just sat and complained a lot. I knew I could never be related to him after seeing him go off on her and not contributing at all. Just ate, sat, and watched hulu all day. It became more than I could watch.

Next is a friend’s breakup. I’ll call him Crazy Billy. Not his real name but close enough. She met him online. He lived over 200 miles away. He wanted to visit and he wound up staying 6 weeks. He ended up overdosing on pain meds and visiting the ER. After that she was done and a little afraid. She took him to the airport and ran back home. Hoping to never hear from him again.

But, play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Crazy Billy was crazy indeed. He threatened to blackmail her in ways that make me shake as I write this. His addiction to Oxycontin had stolen the logical side of his brain. He began calling her office trying to get her fired, her relatives, etc. One day it finally just stopped. Maybe he overdosed one last time. She;s afraid to check on him and who can blame her?

There is a quote on the internet that we have all seen. “How they leave says everything”.  It wasn’t until giving it thought enough to write about it that I understood that quote. My advice to my single friends is this. Be careful. You don’t know who a person is until you’ve seen them rejected, hurt, or suffered an ego hit. 

I’ve said it time and time again. This dance floor is full of landmines. Stay safe but stay open to possibilities as well.