By: Kenneth Stepp
To be a we, a couple, paired, partnered… Many years ago I attended a marriage seminar called, “Becoming One”. At that time, becoming one again wasn’t something I thought I’d enjoy. It simply wasn’t a great option for me. Looking back, it seems silly to think that way. This is on my mind and words are not at the ready. I will attempt to unpack this anyway.
There are many drawbacks to blending two lives together. For myself, my privacy, the fact that I enjoy being alone at times, and the lack of accountability. I treasure these. But, they may be building walls between society and me every day as well. When I get busy, stressed, or confused, I venture into “hermit mode”. My online friends seldom see this side of me, my real friends know it well. I literally vanish, I take few calls, I go nowhere, I will email, but they are short. Texting is tough for me. I have small phone and huge hands. Do the math.
Looking at becoming one and the benefits of this is easier. If two people with average incomes become one, their financial struggles are about over. Their incomes just doubled and their living expenses just got cut by 50%. For me this would mean travel, no more worrying each month, and saving for that rainy day that always shows up at the worst time. This is simply an easier life.
What is funny to me is that none of these perks enter into why I search for this oneness. I really do want the fairy tale. I am a large prince stumbling through life with a glass slipper in my hand, ready to fall in love, commit, marry, and begin a life with my forever. The speed bumps along the way have been plentiful. They come out of nowhere and stay longer than they should. Picking myself up, dusting myself off, I continue. It’s what many of us do each day. We stumble, we fall, we heal, we move on. As maddening as that sounds, this is my choice. I wonder how many others out there do it the same way?
Two individuals taking on life together. Both bringing different personalities to the table. To me, this is a beautiful thing. As someone that appreciates art of almost every kind, I see becoming one as a work of art. In the middle we have a blank canvas, on the right and left, we have the two of us, taking turns, we paint one thing about ourselves at a time. The unique colors and styles will begin to form a beautiful mosaic of harmony, love, and adventure. Honestly, I can see some of it in my mind already. Perhaps I see my parts of the painting. Either way, it will be beautiful when completed. If it can be completed.
What I have done is to prepare myself, to become more open, honest, and forthright in all I do and say. To become a great half of a whole. Through pain and shear tenacity, I am becoming a good man, or at least a better one.
“Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming” – John Wooden
Coach Wooden knew much about life, winning, losing, and everything in between. I can only hope to “become” her, Mr Right someday.