Single Again… Maybe

By Kenneth Stepp

Maybe… What a hopeful word. Maybe is a thought that something just might work out. When I play the lottery, I wake up and go to my den to check my numbers. Maybe I won! Hope is a powerful force. In my life, so many maybe’s worked out for me. Perhaps this is why in my heart of hearts, I remain hopeful.

Have you ever stopped to think about how much hope guides your life? Just how pervasive it is in your everyday world? I tried to calculate it in mine, or at least make a mental note when hope arrives. It turns out that hope is a constant force. From hoping God hears and answers my prayers, to hoping that red light did not have a camera attached to it. Hope was there…

Most of you know that I write about my singles journey. Hope plays a huge role in that. I hope I can love again, I hope I find someone I can love who can and will love me back, I hope should we find one another I can trust the process again, I hope my emotional being doesn’t collapse under the weight of distractions and over thinking. I hope my world can look more like it did decades ago.

I could be alone in all these thoughts and so many more, but I doubt I am. What’s odd is that I have developed a life of routines that almost guarantee I fail at love. I work 7 days per week for myself. I fill my days with more things than will fit in them, I have far too much alone time, this means I overthink and this means that I will focus too much on what might not happen.

I dated a girl once and decided that she did this, so there was no room in her life for me. Although there were very deep feelings for both of us, time was never our friend. We both overthought every nuance, action, and empty moments until one day we were blocking and ignoring one another. This has actually played out many times for us. It always ended the same way though. Hope came and went like it usually did.

Do you ever think of what your perfect match would be? If so, you’ll probably be alone forever. Perfect matches do not exist. Why do we waste time and emotions searching for them? They are not a needle in a haystack. That could actually exist. They are unicorns, meaning they are a wonderfully beautiful thought. And that is all they can ever be.

So, this morning I am in my den, fireplace going, it’s quiet, I’m alone, and of course, I’m thinking about her. My list of maybe’s is infinite. But here are a few highlights. Maybe she and I have met, maybe she is someone from my past, maybe she is one of my readers, a friend on social media, maybe I haven’t met her, maybe I will very soon. Maybe she waits to be noticed, maybe, maybe, maybe…

Welcome into the mind of a crazy man. I’ve been called obsessed before. I’m not. I recognized long ago what I am. I am in a very small boat with no engine, no oar, adrift in a sea of singles. I can no longer see land, there are no islands, my only hope is her. I know I was created to be a partner and my girl was too. We both float and wait. Maybe we find one another, maybe we don’t. Hope keeps us sane. Be patient with us…