By Kenneth Stepp
Today I am lost in thought. Being single, my search for forever, and what is a good person. I know, that’s a lot of thoughts. As a mature single. Mature by chronology not by the way I think. I am a guy and we are graded in maturity on a forgiving curve. Or at least we should be.
I have met some people along the way as I search for forever that are amazing human beings. I remember the first time I had this particular thought about a woman I met. We were at lunch one day having a meal and a conversation and it hit me. I was looking into the eyes of a good woman. What a void she must have left in some guy’s life.
Over the years she has proven time and time again that I was right about her. What makes someone good? In the singles community today there are so many users and takers, so many who it seems, intentionally do harm. So when I meet a girl who stands out, I take notice. So what are those traits?
Strength because… Yep, that is something I have noticed about my friend. She has strength because. Because she loves hard, because she’s determined to do the next right thing, because when she is beside you and when trouble comes, she’s a warrior by your side, not just handing you a sword, she has one too, because she will fight for her love in an instant. She has what it takes to have a lasting relationship.
I will never forget the impression she left on me. It stands as the gold standard for me to this day. Our stations in life were very different, yet you’d never know it at any time. We remain best friends and always will be. My mind gets stuck when I think about how she is still single. Maybe it’s her taste in men or maybe the men today aren’t very good men. That’s a harsh thought but one that is embedded in the view of the sea of singles I find myself staring at.
I have been single for almost 7 years. Although on day one I was sure I was ready to be part of a partnership. Boy was I wrong. After 24 years spent with my wife, I had to find out who I was alone. First I learned who I wasn’t. Not part of the dynamic of being alone I had thought about. I learned what I wasn’t the hard way. By being a man I was never meant to be.
I know my friend’s journey or at least enough of it to know her life has not been carefree or easy. Perhaps we all must go through a certain amount of storms to know who we are and who we aren’t. My storms have seemed permanent at times. Leaving me in a flood trying to dog paddle my way back to shore. Hers were much the same I would imagine.
In my search for my forever love, my person, this good woman. I was faced with myself. Am I good enough? What or who I am is all I can offer someone. But is that enough? In most cases it is not. That is a sad reality for so many of us. After so many times being knocked down, we have scars, so many scars. Finding someone who will love us beyond those scars would be a beautiful thing. But in a world full of self centered people or even guarded people. The odds are remote.
My goal is to be the best human I can be till it happens or doesn’t happen. I end my articles with, just be nice, all the time. Being kind and noticing other people’s pain is a gift. Not exploiting those for personal gain or control, is a gift too. Learning to be a real friend is something we can all do.
Life is about choices. We become what we choose to become. I choose to be a good man. I define what a good man is. Not everyone will agree what that looks like. And that’s ok. I have to live with myself like you have to live with you. Being single has changed. Being single is so hard and confusing. Be kind, be nice, and be good. Maybe someone will notice…