Life After Divorce . . . Who Are You Telling?

By Lindy Earl

Some people need to hear the words, I love you, on a regular basis.  I’m one of those people.  In fact, when I was in counseling with my now ex-husband, when our counselor asked what I needed from my spouse, I said, “To hear that he loves me, every day.”

            Yes, it’s great when people show us that they love us.  They may bring us flowers or do a task around the house.  Vacuuming does show love! But, in addition to (not instead of) those things, some people want to hear the words.

            Yes, I have heard the songs and the sayings that some people just can’t voice the sentiment.  Toby Keith claims that saying, “Me too,” is the same thing. In a way, it is.  But, at least once in a while, say the words.

            But, another question for you: are you saying that you love me to let me know, or to let you know? Do you need the affirmation, every day, that you still love me?

            I think it benefits both parties in a relationship to say that they love the other.  It reinforces your feelings.  It reminds you that you have someone in your life whom you love. It tells you, day by day, that this person is with you, and for you, and chooses to be with you, and remains with you. What’s not to love!?

            Another thought – do you tell others that you love your Significant Other? I think it’s funny that people will say great things about someone, but not say it to them. 

            I think this began in junior high.  “I like Joey, but don’t tell him.  Hee hee.”  Yes, it was fun, innocent romance. Having the crush was enough. But, in time, it was no longer sufficient.  You wanted to, and did, act on your feelings.

            So why do we still want to avoid telling someone that we’re interested? Or, if we have the SO in our lives, why do we avoid telling them how we feel?  It lets them know how important they are to us. That’s a good thing!  It’s good for both parties. Yet, too often, nothing is said.

            What would happen if you started telling people, not only your romantic interest, but others who you love, how you feel? You may know that I am a huge proponent of communication, and what message is better to hear than that you are loved?

            I believe that there are others out there, both men and women, like me, who want to hear the affirmation. We want you to tell us that you love us! It’s important.  It’s not a game – “I’ll say it back, but not first”; or “I’ve said it three times in a row so no more until they say it.”

            I had one person in my life who did not believe that “I love you, too” was ever appropriate.  His theory was that it’s an easy response so didn’t mean anything.  So, it wasn’t enough to respond to an “I love you,” but I had to be the first to say it. Then, of course, he would not reciprocate, because that was just too easy and wouldn’t mean anything.

            It would have meant something to me!

            There are so many words used every day. Literally trillions. But, what message are you sending, and to whom? By not telling someone that you love them, I believe that they could start doubting your feelings.  So, it’s important to not only let them know in the first place, but assure them that the love remains.

            Figure out right now, starting with your SO (if you are blessed with your true love). Next, make a list of all the people to whom you need to say the words, “I love you.” Then, get busy!  Say it from the heart and say it often. I believe all your relationships will be better for it.

That’s Life After Divorce.

Lindy is a Speaker, Columnist, Author, and Consultant.  Contact her at or find and like her page on Face Book, and join her FB support group, Single Again: From Devastation to Dating. You can subscribe (for $12/year) to her Life After Divorce Newsletter at