Life After Divorce . . . Overcoming Bad Moments

By Lindy Earl

           We have all had bad moments.  Some call it depression, especially if the bad moments become bad hours and even bad days.  Some call it being in the dumps.  Please know that, when you have your low moments, they come to everyone.  The best, brightest, most successful, most talented, richest, famous, all have down times.

Sometimes these challenges come for physiological reasons – I think some people are simply predisposed to them.  For many of us, life seems to cause our mood, and of course, divorce could be at the top of that list.  Of course, other circumstances of life, such as untimely deaths of loved ones, could be the precursor.

So knowing that doldrums come to all of us, so will eventually reach you if you haven’t yet experienced them, how will you handle them?  I think forewarned is forearmed, to use a military concept (although I have no memory of where I learned it).

Some people are just not morning people, so a small depression may hit them every day.  The alarm clock rings and they grunt.  For these, I think a very active decision to not allow the time of day to affect their mood is required. When I was 16 years old, and strongly disliked mornings, I realized that I was going to have to get up every day for the rest of my life.

Now, that doesn’t seem like a brilliant realization, but it just hit me really hard.  Every morning the alarm rang and I groaned.  Then I went about my business of preparing for the day – in those days that meant light make up and fighting with a curling iron.  As I was staring into the mirror, waiting for the curl to take effect (that would fall out within a few hours anyway), I saw the sullen look on my face and thought, “This is silly. I’m going to get up and get ready every day for the rest of my life. So I have two choices – fight it or embrace it.”  That’s the day I became a morning person and remain one to this day.

I think a really great way to fight the doldrums is to keep busy. You may have a memory of when you didn’t feel great, but somebody came along and got you moving, and suddenly, you were okay.  They may have suggested a trip to the beach or just going for a walk or to the movies.  Whatever it was, it was enough to snap you from your lethargy. So the next time you’re feeling blah, make yourself be active.

Taking that idea to the next level, when you go to do something, make yourself do for others. If you’re feeling icky and unmotivated, decide to use one of your abilities (mine would be baking) and do something for someone.  So, in my case, I could bake for a neighbor. It gets me moving, reminds me that I do have things to offer this world, and focuses my mind on others, thus not on myself and my situation.  What a great way to spend some time!

Do doldrums hit you with any regularity? For some, it may be time of day. For some, life events – since my divorce I am not fond of attending weddings and allow people to believe I’m crying happy tears for the couple. For others, seasons or holidays.  Holidays can be tough when life is good, but if you are between relationships, or dealing with some personal loss, holidays can be incredibly difficult. It truly takes effort, and maybe some intentional attitude directing, to make the holidays as good as possible. Whatever it is, you can overcome it.

So, think ahead to what you can do, and for whom, so you’re ready the next time doldrums creep into your life.  Know your talents and abilities, and who you might be able to serve, because it’s really going to make you feel better!

That’s Life After Divorce.

            Lindy is a Speaker, Columnist, Author, and Consultant.

* Contact her at to submit a question for her Advice Column.

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