Life After Divorce . . . Crushes

By Lindy Earl

          I think crushes are fun.  I remember my first crush in 7th grade.  Nothing came of it.  I think my best friend and I shared a crush on the same guy.  It was so cool if he said hello to us in the hall. Huge deal.  I remember a crush I had on a guy Freshman year of College.  We never met.  I saw him in the cafeteria and just thought he was cute.  I referred to him as Brown Sweater and if ever my roommate or I saw him that year, we would report to the other. It was a silly, giddy experience.

          Crushes are fun because they are just ice cream castles built in the clouds.  There is nothing real about them.  In your imagination, your crush is wonderful and thoughtful and never tries to control you.  Kindness, consideration, and cuteness rolled into an adorable ball that can lull you to sleep.

          If we ever actually date a crush, however, reality gets in the way.  I think this is why the beginning of relationships are so great – we don’t know all the awful truths yet!

            But a crush is perfect. They never let you down.  They are never late for a date, in your imagination.  They always wear the perfect outfit and say the perfect thing.  Your perfect crush knows when you need space and knows when you need a hug. They know when you need some tough love and when you just need to be catered to and loved on.

          Crushes show up unexpectedly and make your heart skip a beat.  You didn’t make plans, yet there they are, right in front of you. And you look at them and melt a little, then you look away. Did they see you? What would they think if they caught you staring? What if they actually knew how you felt about them?

          How do you feel about them? In reality, you probably don’t have strong emotions.  How can you?  You may not even know them. They are an image. A fantasy of your perfect love, but incarnate. But, truth to tell, you know that your emotions are a sandcastle, easily made and easily destroyed.  There is nothing real about a crush.

          Yet, crushes remain fun. Maybe they are fun because they aren’t real. It’s like your own novel that you get to write in your mind. Your private love story where you get to control who says what.  You are always smart and flirty in your imaginings. The crush is interested, truly intrigued, by you and hangs on your every word. Yet, you know to keep them guessing, just for the fun of it. They always have the perfect responses, which makes your crush that much stronger. You love how they look when they’re dressed up or rumpled on a Saturday morning.  They have never left wet towels on the floor or crumbs on the counter. A crush is the perfect person. Ahhh.

          And then you pick up your dirty dishes, or return to your report, and you go about your day.  But, wasn’t it fun to take a mental diversion and enjoy seeing your crush, even for a few minutes?  No, it’s not a relationship. No, you can’t live there. But it’s a lovely place to visit every once in a while. And, maybe because of your imagined conversations with sparkling laughter, you’ll be that much better in your next relationship. Maybe they’ve also had a crush where they built beautiful scenes in their minds, and you’ll be there to be their reality. When you’re both ready.

That’s Life After Divorce.

          Lindy is a Speaker, Columnist, Author, and Consultant.  Contact her at or find her on Face Book.