By Kenneth Stepp
I’m single… Ok, that means something to so many people across this orb shaped piece of dirt. To most of us it means we are on a journey. That journey has so many layers. But the main thing about our journey is the goal, and that goal is finding love. What if we find it? What does finding love mean? I’ve been told by several that they love me. Where are they now? I’ve told a couple that I loved them. Sooooo, why is this boy alone? Great question, and I will make an attempt at unpacking that and expounding a little more. To me, love, or the journey to it has been rough. Confusing too. I can remember looking onto her eyes and saying, I love you. The response was, I love you too. So two people in love with each other at the same time is a miracle, right? It is, yet I’m alone.
“One day love came to visit… Sadly, it was only a visit” – K Stepp
Our search for love, to some, is like searching for Sasquatch. Many believe it exists, but few know what to do with it should they find it. Is love mythical? I believe on some level it is. In my mind, love is my goal, but also in my mind is a belief that once found, my life will all of the sudden be perfect. My life has never been perfect and I’ve loved three times in my life. Most of the hurt, pain, and confusion came from those three times I experienced love. If I was a wise man, and I’m obviously not, I would base my belief on past experiences and stop looking for love completely. But as I said, wisdom escapes me and that is that. I do tend to dwell on past loves. Why didn’t love make our relationship last?
“If love had the power in my life that it does in my heart, you’d be here”
– K Stepp
And that’s the power of love… All those emotions, feelings, and painful experiences, wrapped up in something as fragile as the human heart. What was God thinking? Perhaps broken people seek Him harder and more often. Maybe that’s it, I know I do and I can’t imagine being more broken than me. Are you broken? What does broken even mean? Was I whole at one time? Am I in pieces now? How many pieces? As you can see, this really is a rabbit hole once you begin questioning things like this. Then there is the, I love you but I’m not “in” love with you. If you’ve ever said that to someone, slap your own face and stop saying it. That’s mumbo jumbo for, we will never be in the same place at the same time. And it’s untrue.
“Love truly can heal, but it can only heal what it caused” – K Stepp
So are we to believe that love is like a revolving door we enter and exit our entire lives? I doubt we are capable of believing this even if it were to turn out to be true. The human mind will follow the heart almost every time. And the heart will always convince the mind that love, when found, will create Heaven on Earth, a panacea, an anomaly we hope so much for. Love is more of a unicorn than anything else to most people. We hope so badly that it lives and one day we can touch it, but most of us will take that hope to the grave with us. The odds are never pretty. Today I sit in my den, striking the keys on my laptop, wondering what this new day has in store for me. My mind drifts to love, it always does. I remember what it was like to have her next to me, watching a movie, or the smell of dinner cooking in the house. I’m an addict, I have to have it one more time.
“Love is a drug our body aches for. We’ll do anything to have it, even create regrets”
– K Stepp
So why is love so important to us? Because we were created for it, by it, and the only fix is it. For me it’s the memories of love that drives me towards it. Think of your happiest most secure moments in life. You were in love then…
One day I’ll arrive at your door. I will be riding a white stallion with a big horn on it’s forehead. On the horse next to me will be Bigfoot riding a dark horse with sparkles on it’s saddle. Then we will get this whole thing figured out.
“Love has power, love has strength, love also has a hiding place” – K Stepp