Single Again… The Storm

By Kenneth Stepp

 

Yesterday as I sat in my den, laptop open, working, I was enjoying my back door being open and the sound of the rain on my back deck. All of the sudden my beautiful rain turned into a raging storm. The sound was loud and distracting, rain was hitting my wood floors so I had to close the back door. One minute I was enjoying the sweet sound of raindrops, the next minutes I was defending my house from a storm. Isn’t that the way this singles journey is? Things seem nice and then the storm comes. The storm can come in many forms. Emotional, financial, physical, etc. One minute your ok, the next you are in a battle against something powerful. For me, every time, it’s unexpected. Part of me being dangerously optimistic. I never see the storm coming.

 

“There are some things you learn best in calm, and some in storm” – Willa Cather

 

I’m told that storms are important. Both the real storms that bring water and change to our planet, and the storms that come dressed in many different ways. Some come as lovers and some disguised as friends. Someone who is overtly our enemy will never sneak up on us, that isn’t the way the world works. There are hearts that are easily confused and even easier to break. I believe mine is one of them. You’d think after so many beatings we’d learn to build defenses, walls to protect our lives and armor to defend our hearts. Maybe there are those of us that will never learn these survival skills. Perhaps we see what we would have to trade for them and passed. I’m someone that over trusts, I trust readily. That has cost me so much in my life, yet I wouldn’t want to be any other way.

 

“No one would have crossed the ocean if he could have gotten off the ship in the storm”

Charles Kettering

 

The rush of the storm causes chaos, it ignites panic, it speeds us up, we are in warrior mode the instant it arrives. Breakups, losses, and pain are my storms. On a personal note, mine repeat themselves in my memories and in my regrets. I sometimes look at my life with great wonderment. How, why, when, etc. Valid questions that rattle around in my head. Do you have the same thing going on? Is there something inside us that compels us to dredge up old hurts so that we can lament them all over again? Wasn’t life easier before the regrets? My memories go back to when I was part of an intact family. I was part of a team that was busy raising my kids. I had purpose, goals, and never wondered about the things that fill my head these days. Storms bring change, and change usually arrives with pain.

 

“When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ― Haruki Murakami

 

Love… That’s the goal, right? If love is so amazing, why is the road to it covered in disappointment? I look back on lost love. How does one live with having fallen and not having them? That’s my storm, that’s the foundation my road is paved with. I suppose that finding love again is what I want, but getting there has been interesting at best, hurtful in reality, but is the only road I know. My goal is not only to find her, but to leave those I meet along the way a little better than they were before I met them. In the meantime, I walk my road, unprepared for the next storm but know it will come and go anyway. Keeping standards high and expectations low is a balance we all must do. Enjoy the ride my friends, good luck in your search, and be kind every chance you get. We’re all in this together. It isn’t just your journey, it’s ours.

 

“You fell in love with a storm. Did you really think you would get out unscathed?”

Nikita Gill

 

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