By Kenneth Stepp
Being ourselves is so important, especially if we are searching for our forever love. Seeing someone for who they are and showing them who I am, this is honesty, this is tricky, and this is so unnerving. At least it is for me. To muster the courage to show someone the me that is under my armor is frightening, yet necessary to finding my soulmate. If we search for a bed mate, lunch mate, or just an adventure mate, wear any mask you want. But a soulmate requires transparency and transparency isn’t easy or comfortable. See that scar? It’s mine…
“She had blue skin, And so did he. He kept it hid, And so did she.
They searched for blue, Their whole life through, Then passed right by-
And never knew.” ― Shel Silverstein
I love this poem. I can’t remember how many times I’ve used it to make a point about being yourself. It’s a sad poem and tells a very sad story, a story that is the reality of most of the singles I know. When we meet people nowadays, are we really meeting them? Are they meeting me? Or will we spend an hour or two chatting and part complete strangers? This is a real problem today. Most of us have what I call, issues. For example, when I look in the mirror, I see hideous. That’s me seeing me through my broken heart. My logical brain knows better, but after loving and losing, my opinion of me is pretty low. My friends tell me who they see, and that’s appreciated, but who I see matters, and I see something far less than they do.
“When you’re young you’re told
You can be anything you want to be
But that’s a lie
You can only ever be yourself” – unknown
I’ve lived several lives and been several people in my life. One life I was a warrior, that warrior bled over into my business life and the protectiveness of that warrior bled into my family man life. Now, single again at an age I never thought possible, I’m unsure who I am most of the time. I am too old to be a warrior, too young to start new things, and too confused to straighten out some of the messiness that being a mature single brings. The practical side of me seeks structure and familiarity, the natural adventurer in me seeks new experiences and explorations. How do I allow someone to see all this when I don’t understand what all this is? I want to change me but want someone to love me the way I am. They say that everyone is perfect to that one person they were meant to find. Perfect doesn’t live here…
“Your hair was curly,
But you wanted it straight.
Your eyes were brown,
But you wanted them blue.
Your mouth was squarish,
But you wanted it round.
You were short,
But you wanted to be tall.
You were chubby,
But you wanted to be thin.
You were perfect,
But you wanted to change that” – unknown
I fell in love with a girl once. She’s quirky, artsy, no Barbie, and different. Yet I love her. Was she my soulmate? Am I hers? Sadly, we will never know…