Single Again… Just Be You, I’ll Be Me

By Kenneth Stepp


Being ourselves is so important, especially if we are searching for our forever love. Seeing someone for who they are and showing them who I am, this is honesty, this is tricky, and this is so unnerving. At least it is for me. To muster the courage to show someone the me that is under my armor is frightening, yet necessary to finding my soulmate. If we search for a bed mate, lunch mate, or just an adventure mate, wear any mask you want. But a soulmate requires transparency and transparency isn’t easy or comfortable. See that scar? It’s mine…


“She had blue skin, And so did he. He kept it hid, And so did she.

They searched for blue, Their whole life through, Then passed right by-

And never knew.” Shel Silverstein


I love this poem. I can’t remember how many times I’ve used it to make a point about being yourself. It’s a sad poem and tells a very sad story, a story that is the reality of most of the singles I know. When we meet people nowadays, are we really meeting them? Are they meeting me? Or will we spend an hour or two chatting and part complete strangers? This is a real problem today. Most of us have what I call, issues. For example, when I look in the mirror, I see hideous. That’s me seeing me through my broken heart. My logical brain knows better, but after loving and losing, my opinion of me is pretty low. My friends tell me who they see, and that’s appreciated, but who I see matters, and I see something far less than they do.


“When you’re young you’re told

You can be anything you want to be

But that’s a lie

You can only ever be yourself” – unknown


I’ve lived several lives and been several people in my life. One life I was a warrior, that warrior bled over into my business life and the protectiveness of that warrior bled into my family man life. Now, single again at an age I never thought possible, I’m unsure who I am most of the time. I am too old to be a warrior, too young to start new things, and too confused to straighten out some of the messiness that being a mature single brings. The practical side of me seeks structure and familiarity, the natural adventurer in me seeks new experiences and explorations. How do I allow someone to see all this when I don’t understand what all this is? I want to change me but want someone to love me the way I am. They say that everyone is perfect to that one person they were meant to find. Perfect doesn’t live here…



“Your hair was curly,

But you wanted it straight.


Your eyes were brown,

But you wanted them blue.


Your mouth was squarish,

But you wanted it round.


You were short,

But you wanted to be tall.


You were chubby,

But you wanted to be thin.


You were perfect,

But you wanted to change that” – unknown


I fell in love with a girl once. She’s quirky, artsy, no Barbie, and different. Yet I love her. Was she my soulmate? Am I hers? Sadly, we will never know…





  1. You know what? In all the things I have read from you I see a really good heart, one that has been broken like mine, I see a man wanting to be loved again but taking the step is fearful. I know that I was created as a beautiful person in God’s eyes and I look in the mirror now and see a beautiful woman. I think that you are beautiful inside and out. And meeting someone and judging first appearance is not good in my book, I would say to give it a chance for quite a few times for both. I have experienced alot to know that if there is a connection then all the other things can be worked out together if the other person is worth it to each other.

  2. Beautiful, Ken, you are an amazing man. In you see a sincerity through and through. A tenderness coupled with manliness. It’s wonderful to see a man who is vulnerable coupled with strength and the innate ability to bare your soul. This is extremely rare in my opinion. The woman who is worthy to share her life path with you will recognize and appreciate all of this she will also guard and protect all of this with unconditional deep love that will last forever!

  3. I was recently told, “You think you are perfect. You are NOT. There are things you need to change.” My response was, “You don’t know WHAT I think unless I share. I have never said I was perfect. At 52, I am quite aware that I am not perfect. However, the things you think I should change are the VERY things I love about myself. I am strong and independent.” The truth is I am hardest on myself. I am growing and changing every day. I have many people, family and friends, in my life who love me. I have been blessed with a wonderful life. I am still trying to figure out the “romantic love thing”. I have learned that what one person may view as “your issues” may be exactly what you have been striving to accomplish. My response to the gentleman who spit those words at me should have been simply, “Thank you!”

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