By Kenneth Stepp
Last week I was speaking with an old friend, he’s single like me. We were talking about what we were looking for in a mate. I’m still looking for my angel, he told me. Then he went into some other traits this angel will possess. I listened quietly, as he was wrapping it up with the physical attributes she would have, I asked him if I could run some questions by him? Of course. This would be one of the few men I’d had to ask questions candidly. It was an honor I seldom have.
So, tell me, what are you doing to make yourself what this mythical creature would want? You know Kenneth, 9 years ago, when I became single, I actually thought about that, it’s been a long time since I did. Anyway, my friend is one of the good guys out here. However, if we stop evolving we risk being too set in our ways to fit into someone else’s life. To become a great fit for a great person, well, you can do the math.
Playing what if with my friend brought up another question. What if this perfect for you angel has been single the last few years and was hurt several times along the way? She would have baggage. Let’s call that baggage, damage. A man she cared about may have lied, mislead, cheated, abused her. What if more than one did? What if your angel is broken?
Some may not have been single long. Maybe her marriage was rough, maybe her husband had no idea how to treat a woman, or worse yet, had no idea how to love at all. What if your angel was so mistreated for so long, that she thinks that is what love looks like? What if she is so broken that the right man for her will have to help rebuild her?
My friend laughed, you are throwing me a curve ball brother. How do I prepare myself for that? My friend, I think, got what I was saying. This wonderful angel would not be visible to him with his sights set in concrete. We have to see one another for who they are. We are all damaged, we all have baggage. When my marriage ended, I was hurt, confused, and a little angry. She probably was too. Then, she dives in the sea of singles and finds men have changed. So has dating.
She’s broken… When you see her, she may not look the way she does in your head. Life made her strong. I hear that saying a lot, but let me explain some other things life may have made her. Life made her guarded, life made her suspicious, life taught her to share less, to listen less and watch more. Life is like a huge storm, wearing us down as we push against the wind and water. Life just comes at us. The bigger the storms, the tougher the woman.
My friend wasn’t lost on my points. How do I become this man? How do I spot my angel? I never get preachy, but an old piece of biblical wisdom tells the tale better than my words could explain. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs” – 1 Corinthians 13:4–8
As he stood there with a blank look, I asked, what are you thinking? I don’t know if I can pull that off. How do I become a man who can be like this? I’m flawed. I said, we all are. Practice practice practice. He laughed at me when I said that. That’s it though. Show this kind of love and kindness to every woman you meet. Eventually, your angel will emerge from behind those walls. With bent wings and a little weary. She will appreciate what she found too. Be that man and your angel will appear. Your perfect broken angel..
“Treat them all, the way you’ll treat her, when you do, you can know her when she arrives”