Life After Divorce . . . I Don’t Get It

By Lindy Earl

            Are you finding that people are just desperate for attention? I see memes that are senseless, yet people are liking them, then sharing them.  Why? I see people in relationships, being mistreated, yet they stay.  I see people who are desperately unhappy alone, yet can’t find a good relationship, so settle for a bad relationship. Why do we have so little self-esteem that we allow others to treat us this way?

            Are we so desperate for attention that we will tolerate misuse and abuse? Do we believe that any attention, even negative attention, is preferred over our own company? That, somehow, the world looks at us cross-eyed if we don’t have a Significant Other in our life?

            Being alone can be a good thing.  You get to do what you want when you want.  You are in control over your time. You choose what you do.  You control what you eat and where you eat it. You control where you sleep and at what time. You make all your own financial decisions and answer only to yourself. Life is good.

I was raised in a world where compliments had to be earned. There were no participation trophies. Today, we get used to the idea that everyone is special and everyone is a winner.  That’s simply not true.  For any team to win, another team has to lose.  That’s the reality of it.  It’s simple math.

            So, why do some people tolerate this behavior? I think there are more reasons than I can list here, but I think that people are too desperate for acceptance. You need to know: you only need to accept yourself. That’s all. It’s called self-respect.

How? Say no to inappropriate behavior. I recently quit some social media groups because I noticed that the discussions and memes and posts were getting rather raunchy. I do not want to get on FB and be subjected to crude jokes. So I walked away. You can do the same thing in a relationship. If talk is negative, there are insults instead of compliments, nothing is ever good enough – then walk away! You don’t need that in your life. Somebody is putting their negative voice into your head and it does not belong there!

Remember, it is easier for us to be pulled down to a lower level than for others to be lifted up to a higher level. Fight for it!

When I first returned to dating, I was shocked at some of the questions I was asked. Inquiries like, “Wanna be fwb?” That was the entire message. How rude! Someone should slap his mama for not teaching him how to treat a lady. There was one where we got to the point of talking and he asked if I would wear costumes. How do you respond to that when you haven’t even met the man? In my  case, a simple “And we are done,” followed by a dial tone.

We all, deep within ourselves, know our worth.  We have our standards.  Yet, we allow ourselves to forget our worth, and lower our standards, just due to the risk of being alone.  Remember your worth. Write it down. Paste it on your mirror so you are reminded daily. Decide today to never settle. You’ll probably find that you will not remain alone, because people who know their worth are very attractive. And, if you do remain alone, you are dealing with better company than what some clowns are offering, so you really are better off.

            Please do not be so desperate for attention that you need to accept any behavior that demeans you. Tell yourself this. Make it your mantra. Write it down. Share the information. Be willing to walk away the first time somebody disrespects you. Alone is far better than what they are offering. You’ll never be completely alone. There are others who know their worth who will support you, and you’ll have your self-respect.

            That’s Life After Divorce.

            Lindy is a Speaker, Columnist, Author, and Consultant.  Contact her at or find her on Face Book and join the group,  Single Again: From Devastation to Dating, on FB.