Single Again… The Waiting Game

By Kenneth Stepp

Gift wrapping, singing, and being tiny. These are all things I’m not good at, at all. But the biggest challenge I have these days is waiting. I am so bad at it. But like all singles out there, waiting is a required class we take while earning a degree in soulmating. No matter how hard I try, waiting is really all I can do. She won’t fall from the sky, she isn’t tattooed with my name on her forehead. She, if she exists, is still out there somewhere. In my fantasy world, she’s looking for me as well. I wonder if she has an image of a man like me in her mind or if she be open to what shows up. Either way, that’s my girl. After so many near misses and failures, having someone want to stay will be a welcome change.

“I was made and meant to look for you and wait for you and become yours forever.”

― Robert Browning

Forever… Is that a real thing? Maybe a poem or a song got stuck in my head and my brain just made it up. I was with my wife for twenty-four years and I was sure that was forever. I had a girlfriend in high school that was certainly going to be my forever. One near miss and one huge miss. What happened? Many things. It’s seldom one thing. One day you are staring into one another’s eyes, then bang, you’re complaining about one another on social media. By the way, that’s tacky and is a sign of a very weak mind. Use your filter, stay positive, be stronger than that. Without inner strength, you have nothing and no one.

“For a while” is a phrase whose length can’t be measured.At least by the person who’s waiting.” ― Haruki Murakami

Who do you want to be? Wow! A loaded question. I wonder what people think of a question like that. I asked myself that after being single for a little over a year. I was evolving. I wanted to be non-judgmental. I wanted to see as much value in a homeless person holding a sign on an expressway ramp, as I did in my family members. I wanted to care about my fellow humans. After all, we are all in this thing called life together. In a word, I wanted to be kind. I’ve always been this way, but not to the degree I am becoming. I’ve had wealth and notoriety. I was a decent man then. But as you stop judging, you begin caring. For me it was a phenomenon. How did this affect my search for my forever love? I wanted to see her heart above her body. I want a heart I could cherish.

“I’ve learned that waiting is the most difficult bit, and I want to get used to the feeling, knowing that you’re with me, even when you’re not by my side.” ― Paulo Coelho

The waiting game… Is it a game? Maybe it’s an oven. Ha, let me explain. After we mix all the ingredients and add the spices, an oven is where we place the finished product, to become presentable, or to become usable. We add spices into our lives and we add ingredients to make us who we want to become. But the raw product isn’t ready until it has its time in the oven. If we are single for very long, we will all be tried by fire. We can make sure we add what we want to, to become ourselves, so that someone will want the finished product. “Taste and see that the Lord is good.” Not to get preachy, but He was certainly tried by fire. Add the things to you that make the world a better place. Leave everyone better than when you met them. If we must wait, wait with purpose.

“If you can’t ignore imperfections, then your imaginary ideal soulmate will always remain pending till you grow old and die.” ― Michael Bassey Johnson

I love you isn’t a saying or a well worn cliche, It’s a goal, it’s home. Become the person who belongs there.