By Kenneth Stepp
I have secrets… Everyone does. Every person uses secrets as a defense of sorts. This is needed for an individual, but devastating for a couple. Why would I say this? Because if you are in a committed relationship, you will not need to defend yourself from inside the relationship. If you find that you do, leave.
So what kind of things do I keep secret, you ask. It really depends on who I’m telling. For example. Only 4 people know my address, I keep my address secret other than these few friends I trust. My phone number is not public, but many have it. My middle name is only known in my family and closest friends. The list goes on and so do the layers they lay out.
It takes so much for me to trust someone. I lived in a relationship that anything I did or said was stored to use against me later. I’ve had a few stalkers in the past 6 ½ years, I really don’t want my address made public because of this. My middle name, googling to some is a game. Looking for dirt on someone, not seeing the gold in someone. Naturally, humanity is so flawed.
Being in a relationship should be a lot like being in a bubble. One where you are safe. You know no harm will come from within your relationship. As a matter of fact, you have a two person Army inside it to protect both of you from whats on the outside. Like a fireplace crackling when snow is on the ground. You are safe from the snow and the cold because the warmth inside.
Outside we have things we cannot allow others to know about us. Society is more curious about you than caring about you. Information is simply smooth stones to use in their slingshot in case they feel like knocking you down one day. Inside a loving relationship is the opposite. Inside is a place we can “unload” our thoughts, cares, and confusions.
I have been in relationships in the past where I felt I was safe but wasn’t. Maybe that’s why the search is so difficult now. My friends know I am a safe place to unload anything. I never judge, I always care, and I never reshare anything. It’s your secret not mine. A romantic relationship should at least have that standard. Your secrets stay with you alone in my world.
Whether we are friends or a romantic relationship, I will never send your words to others. I have received so many screenshots of conversations that someone thought were private. Now, after the relationship has vanished, bitterness dictates it’s ok to share what someone said in a safe and private place. It’s never ok. It speaks to the person’s integrity who is sharing with me more than anything.
My search is for an island. A place that is isolated from the outside. She and I will live there in peace. We will be safe forever from the bitter cold of the outer world. The island will be our bubble. Inside there will be freedom from being someone we are not. Inside we will live in total acceptance. Because of this, there will be no need for defenses, we are safe, there is no judgement there, and we will have no need for secrets. Close your eyes and imagine that place…