Single Again… Reality And Hope

By Kenneth Stepp


When I was a child, I had the most active imagination. I could dream of being able to fly, deep sea dive without tanks, and walk through walls. It was an amazing childhood. But at some time. We all wake up. When our eyes open, we aren’t that strong, talented, or amazing. We’re just us. Common and like almost eight billion other souls riding this orb through the galaxy. Yep. Nothing much about me that really stands out at all. Yet when I dream. I’m very different. When I dream of falling in love. I dream of my partner in crime and I riding into the sunset together. Look at them, they’d say. They are made for one another. Unfortunately. That is not reality at all…


Being single again, after my twenty four year marriage, has taught me so much. The first thing I’ve learned is that I have to learn something new every single day. Most of the lessons are not enjoyable at all. I’ve been writing about love for years. Real love. The kind poets and songwriters pine about. Unconditional, all accepting love. To me there is no more powerful thing in the universe. Love is it’s own power. Not a feeling. But a place. A point of being. It completely changes your life. In some good ways, and some bad. You are fully exposed. Fully vulnerable. And most of the time. You get hurt. To think otherwise is more hope, less reality. I’m told hope is a good thing. It seldom has been for me.


Most of my friends are friends I’ve met since becoming single. So almost five years ago or less. We all have our story. Or stories. I’ve heard so many horror stories. From bad dates to terrible relationships. We’ve all learned what deep hurt and huge loss is. We have all suffered from unfeeling and self centered people. We’ve also met some wonderful people that we can’t believe remain single. There’s always a reason. I promise you that. You see. Because of the hurt, pain, and confusion. We have baggage. We all have damage. This means sharing our lives with another will be difficult. And for some. Impossible.


“People say they find love, as if it were an object hidden under a rock. But love takes many forms, and it is never the same for any man and woman. What people find then is a certain love.”

― Mitch Albom


Damage… We all have it. And that damage changes us. It alters our decision making process. It causes us to build walls, become suspicious, and aloof with others. And that kills our chances of being ready when our soul mate arrives on scene. Although I still wrestle with the concept of a soul mate. If that exists. I have already met mine. So what do I do with that? I wish I knew. I have loved a person more than I love myself. Was she my soul mate? Or is the soul mate idea only if that love is reciprocated? Again. I wish I knew. Perhaps the rules should be made available to us lugs out here trying to figure things out. Of course first we have to know who “they” are so we can request a copy of those rules.

For me. The journey isn’t over. It’s simply on pause. When we fail. And we all do, or at least have. It’s time to heal. Take a break. Take your time. Tomorrow can be the best day of your entire life. Hope. There’s that word again. As much as hope has failed me in the past. It’s all I have. Embracing the thought of one of my tomorrow’s being the day I know my destiny. Well. It’s what we all do, isn’t it? We all look towards that day. Will it come? I’ll let you know when I know. In the meantime, be careful, be transparent, be honest, and above all, be you. Should your soul mate arrive. They should know the real you. Not who you want them to see. Remember that…


“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.”

― Steve Maraboli