Single Again… My Normal

By Kenneth Stepp

Routines help me. I tend to know what to do next and where things are because of the routines in my life. I wake up on my own every morning. I go to bed at the same time every night. I toss and turn all night as well, so not all routines are good. I guess I have become so guarded that I don’t want surprises anymore. And surprises are what made my life so wonderful in the past. Welcome to being single 101.

There is so much talk these days about a new normal. I doubt the world will actually create a new normal, but as individuals we have to. You see, normal to me was always being a husband, a father, and a leader. Now, an aging single, kids are grown, I am now divorced, and I’m not leading anyone. If I was, I’d tell them quickly to stop following me. So what most would call my new normal doesn’t feel normal at all.

I try to break up my days now. I work from home and that can and does become routine. It also sends me into what I call, hermit mode. My fear is one day I’ll drift into it and never come back. Or when I do I’ll have a Moses beard. So, I get in my truck and go on adventures. I’m so lucky to be in the south where so many cool places exist and are waiting for me to find them. Do places wait for us? 

I have friends. I have the best friends a person could ever hope for. They not only put up with me but they even go on adventures with me from time to time. I love my friends. I also like meeting new people. I love meeting someone I only know digitally in person. There are always layers of them one can only know face to face. 

My brothers and my mom all built homes on the family farm up in Kentucky. I try to visit every other month. You see, I fill my days, weeks, and months with great things and people. I fill them with what matters to me, with what my heart values. I do this because my “normal” is broken. At times this causes me to feel broken. My old normal has not been replaced, it’s been lost.

My heart aches to have normal again. Normal to me will include family, it will include a partner, someone I am doing life with, I will sleep again, I’ll go to bed when she does, my normal will be filled with memories we will make together. The adventures we will build those memories on. You see, I reject a new normal and I will search and wait for MY normal. It’s the only normal that will do.

For those of you that haven’t figured it out yet, I know what I want. I’ve lived what I want and I know my life will bring my normal back to me when I find my forever love. I feel I know her on some level, I know so much about her already. Her traits, passions, and needs will fit into mine like two puzzle pieces. Her normal is broken too. We will literally be one. 

It’s almost lunch time here at the, Stepp Castle West. In just a few minutes, it’s shower time, and then truck riding time. One day she’ll be riding with me. Probably through the mountains in search of new beautiful things. The conversations will go from witty to deep. The scenery will change by the mile. But one thing is for sure. We’ll have our normal back. And we will both thank God for it.

#comefindme