Single Again… Just Around The Corner

By Kenneth Stepp

 

I won the lottery! Ok, well, I plan on winning the lottery, and that win is coming soon. It’s just around the corner… We all have a belief in something that is coming, don’t we? And that something is just around the corner. One day I will turn a strange corner and see a pile of money, a classic truck, tickets to Paris, and my soulmate will be holding them with nothing on but a smile. This would be a great place for a smiley face. My dreams are bigger than most who know me would guess. I was once a visionary. A visionary is a dreamer who makes the dreams come true. These days, the dreams are enough most days. Maybe I’m not wired like I once was. I can look at a situation, a business, or even a project. Answers flow and they’d work too. But I don’t want to be the one doing them anymore.

 

I am accomplished. I see something people say is hard and I do it. It’s never as hard as they mentioned or acted like it would be. From doing things in the political arena to creating new people out of their old self. I enjoy doing things. Retirement is a word I will never think about. I love working. I have severe ADD. My ADD coach for over 8 years is a medical doctor, a psychiatrist actually. He only works with severe adult ADD cases and teaches us how to do life with our disease. When you’re a severe ADD person, life is different. My doctor is known worldwide as being one of the top in his field and after assessing me, he said mine was the most severe case he’d ever seen. I said all that to this. He diagnosed me as a workaholic. Since I make a living with my brain and not my back, I’ll never stop working.

 

Up until 4 years ago, I had never played the lottery. Now I play it pretty much every week. I’m too logical to think I’ll ever win big. But having a ticket allows me to dream big and that seems to be enough for me at the moment. It feeds that part of me I suppose. The dreamer part of me. I have other dreams. Vivid, colorful, and in my head, doable. My biggest is finding her, my Her. Every time I meet someone new or think of someone I’ve only met online, I wonder. Is that her? Does she have the qualities, traits, and most of all, patience? And if she has all of these will I have the qualities and traits that she requires? Once in a relationship I go full steam ahead with reckless abandon. All in seems to be my only speed. Perhaps I should dial that back a little. Maybe that’s why I’m still single. Lately I’ve been afraid to even try again. Many reasons, none very good reasons, but they’re mine, so…

 

Doing the math on whether myself or anyone our age will ever find real love is ugly. Math doesn’t lie, it doesn’t feel, and mostly, it never dreams. But a small percentage will find that magical other person to share life with. And that means the dream is still alive. That math is my lottery ticket. That slice of a percentage point that is sure to find their soulmate is my slice, my dream, and yes, my goal. She exists! This I know. But what if she lives thousands of miles away, is with the wrong guy, or has decided to stay single? Will the universe push us together? Does something suddenly happen that makes us meet? I wish I had more answers. I have far more questions than I did when I began my search. In the years since becoming single I have discovered so much about me and about others. I’ve met some wonderful people and count many of them as great friends today. Will I find her? I honestly don’t know. But what I do know is that from where I stand I can see one more corner and I’m walking straight for it. She really could be, just around that corner…

“Wolves mate for life, as I howl for you in the dark, hear me my beloved” – k stepp

2 Comments

  1. Just beautiful. I’m so glad you’re a dreamer I hope you never lose that quality. I’m proud that you’ve learned how to obviously harness your ADD and use it positively. I admire your motivation and zeal for life!

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