Single Again… Incredulity And The Fairytale

By Kenneth Stepp

Incredulity, or the state of being unwilling or unable to believe something. It’s the perfect word to describe how many of us view love or at least, forever love. It isn’t that the fairytale can’t come true for us. It’s simply that we refuse to believe it can, so we settle for something far less. Settling is always an act that will always show itself to be temporary. Is that what any of us really want? To traverse these roads to find we will just be back out here again. I know I don’t that again. My goal hasn’t always been finding forever. But for the last four years it has. And if my goal is to find my soulmate. I must take risks. I must expose my heart to a cruel world. My defenses cannot be up, my walls must be down.

“If the highest aim of a captain were to preserve his ship, he would keep it in port forever” – Thomas Aquinas

I often find myself dwelling on her. My her. She is the most important person in my life. I know so much about her already. How does my journey end? How must I prepare myself? What really has to be done? These are some of the questions that made me come to a few conclusions. First, I must be 100% honest with myself and her. Honesty is the foundation to any meaningful relationship. If I am acting like something I am not, and she falls in love with me. It isn’t me she loves, it’s the me I presented to her. Honesty is where it all starts.

So many more changes must happen. To find her and be with her requires complete fidelity. Faithfulness in every situation. No excuses, no games, and no half hearted attempts at acting as though I’m all in. All of me is required. Every last part of myself is the least I can offer her. All of my pain, past, and damage, yet all of my joy and passion for life as well. She is my reason to smile. She knows I am present. Whether I am with her or I am just on her mind. She knows my heart is hers. She knows I am loyal. She knows. And knowing is my gift to her. My purity is my all. My heart is not confused and she knows this about me.

Sometimes, when I think of my forever and what we will offer one another, I am reminded of the cheesy infomercials on tv. No matter what they are selling, no matter what they are pitching to the blurry eyed audience. They always say their tired, worn out line, “but wait, there’s more”.  Acceptance is that more. To make her, in the deepest recesses of her mind know that I accept her completely. Her past, her baggage, her quirks, her challenges, and her flaws. She will know. Yes knowing means so much. She will know that no matter what about her she doesn’t like, that I accept that. She will know that no matter what comes, I accept that. I accept her fully. She will never doubt that. Never…

I can only speak for myself. Everyone is different, everyone has their opinion. To me, what I have written is my fairytale. What I want is more giving than receiving. My servants heart demands that I honor and serve this person that occupies the core of my heart. My heart is being prepared right now. My desires are as I’ve said. My goal is clear and my girl will want my offering. She will in turn accept me. As hard as that is for me to believe. Love does that. Love always does that. My fairytale is real and it is just over that next hill. I can almost see it now.

“To me, a forever love is a bond that can’t be broken” – Nick Cannon