Single Again… Happy Birthday!

By Kenneth Stepp

 

It’s my birthday… This morning I awoke, walked into the den where I do my day job, and there was a sweet hand signed card, new socks, and a new shirt on my sofa from my wonderful roommate, today a friend is taking me to visit an historic plantation in Roswell Georgia.It’s my birthday! I’ve been single for a little more than 5 ½ years and only acknowledged I had a birthday for the first time on the 6th of August last year. My birthday and other holidays had became relics of a life long gone to me. Quite frankly, I just hurt more on those days. They reminded me of my biggest losses. But life really does go on. This morning I received a birthday email from my ex wife, she’s purging because she is downsizing. Being an empty-nester and having that large house no longer makes sense. I was happy to see her email and happier to hear she is shrinking her life. Maybe she won’t have to work as hard.

 

The last 5 ½ years have been surreal at times. There is a loneliness that only someone that was married for many years can know when they are alone again. I even made up a word that I felt was more fitting, “aloneness”, it seems to be better for me, not that this darkness needs anything added to it. Being single after a 24 year marriage, a normal marriage too. It wasn’t dysfunctional, we were faithful, even loyal. We raised kids together, they are doing great, we vacationed, wept, laughed, and even buried loved ones together. At no point would anyone think we would ever not be a we. Yet here we are. I shrank my life years ago, I recognized the frivolity of keeping up appearances long ago. She is finally ready to shrink hers. I still worry about her, my heart is still her protector. It makes me both happy and sad to know she’s making positive changes.

 

My birthday looks so different today than it has in the last few years. All my holidays do. My roommate’s birthday is Christmas day… That’s a celebration. I have real forever friends now, holidays are a reason to reach out, send well wishes, and maybe even plan something. Investing my heart in others has paid great dividends. My life becomes more complete with each passing year. If you are single and have not taken the time to give yourself away, make new friends that were not a part of your marriage, and building a new community around you. My advice is to get started right away. My friends have changed my life. The dark cave like life I had has given way to something colorful and beautiful. Live life, take chances, and may death find you decades from now with a party hat still on your head…

 

“I don’t fear death so much as I fear its prologues: loneliness, decrepitude, pain, debilitation, depression, senility. After a few years of those, I imagine death presents like a holiday at the beach” – Mary Roach

 

My friend and favorite author, Lindy Earl is writing a book about being single and holidays. I can’t wait to read it…

4 Comments

  1. You are such an amazing writer Kenneth. I pray you are blessed with one of the most memorable birthdays ever.

  2. Yes to all of this I can relate to so much of how you feel. Yes you do have a true tribe now!

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