Single Again… Friends And Enemies

By Kenneth Stepp

 

Some articles are easy to write, this one isn’t one of them. Writing about something that happened in my life and also writing about a failure, isn’t easy. But write I must, forgive me if it’s a different type of topic from what I usually tackle.

 

Confusion… Ever been afflicted with it? I have. I’m remembering a girl I once dated and how her friends viewed me. She and I got along great. Great chemistry, great adventures, and we always had so much fun spending time together. Over time, I even got to know her parents, siblings, and grand babies. It really was a great adventure. Looking back, it may have been more. Much more. So what was it that caused this vibrant relationship to sink like the Titanic? Friends, well meaning friends.  

 

Remembering the good times happens all too easily when we look back in time. When I remember my marriage, for example. I tend to remember great vacations, Christmas morning with the kids, and a loving caring couple, climbing the ladder together. I seldom remember the backstabbing, verbally abusive, always angry woman I left. I remember the mother of my children and the life partner who ran the home like it was a fine instrument. It’s how our mind works.

 

I met a girl in a singles group on Facebook. One day she sent me a friend request, a message, and an invitation. I accepted and away we went. We met often, played a lot, had adventure after adventure and it felt we were headed in the right direction. The problem. She was much farther down the road than I was. I recall hearing, “I love you”, serious words indeed. I liked her a lot, I wasn’t in love though. But on we went, struggling to get to the same place at the same time.

 

Ask yourself this. How could a relationship where two people enjoy one another’s company, have more fun than they had had for years, and basically simply making their lives better crash and burn so easily? Friends, well meaning friends who under different circumstances would see what was going on and encourage it. But because they were blinded by a false sense of loyalty, they were the chink in the armor of the relationship.

 

For me it began when one of her friends attacked me online. I hadn’t done anything wrong, but she felt because I wasn’t at the same place in our relationship that the girl I dated was, that I must be doing something ignobel. I have a great moral compass and knew she must not understand the process of building a relationship. I wrote her a letter, classy, very nice, kind, and an olive branch because we both cared about the same person, so I explained myself and where she and I were in our relationship. It was not well received at all.

 

It was later in the week that she and I attended a singles event as a couple. For me, it was a coming out as a couple kind of thing. I met another friend of hers and after the event ended, I went up to say goodbye and tell him I enjoyed the event, as he had hosted it.He mentioned how he hadn’t been sure about me with her friend, because it didn’t seem I was always doing the right thing by her. Wow! I told him I did what was right for me while treating her the way a lady should be treated.

Relationships are hard and almost always more fragile than those on the outside looking in could ever know. Building a lasting relationship based on respect and loyalty is an amazing investment of time, resources, and emotions. I’m a thinker, some would say an over thinker. My thoughts fell on scenarios. Her two best friends had an opinion of me based on nothing. They didn’t know me, did not know my history, or my integrity. They only knew that their friend said she was in love with a man that was not in love and refused to commit to a permanent relationship.

 

After considering everything, I broke it off. The scenario that played out in my head was vivid. Every time we had a disagreement, the two voices in her head would try to destroy what we had worked so hard to build. Dating is a tough thing to do when looking for forever. When faced with battles that never end, unreasonable people, and one sided feelings, would be relationships fail. They have to. Well meaning friends should consider this. If they met someone they enjoyed dating, wanted to get to know but go slow, but this person said they were in love with them. How would they feel? What would they do?

 

Being single is a journey, we all have to make decisions for ourselves and no one else. We’ve all been hurt, we will probably all be hurt again. We have to choose our battles. I chose not to fight this one, it wasn’t an easy choice at all, I really liked her,  but this was one choice that had to be made. I was always up front with her, always transparent, never lied, and always very kind and a gentleman with her. I wonder how many potentially great relationships are destroyed by well meaning friends.

 

“Never take advice from someone who will not have to live with the consequences of that advice”