By Kenneth Stepp
I’m yours, all yours, to me there is no other, we are a we, we are always an always… Wow! Pretty words with deep meaning. How do we get there? And what does, “there”, look like to you? Valid questions that require answers, if you are single and looking for forever. Let’s unpack these queries and see if we can understand them a little better.
I have noticed for some, saying, I commit to you and you alone, is easy and they do this quickly in a relationship. Then there are those who will give lip service to this important decision as a way to appease their lover. This, in my opinion, is a phony type of relationship, built on sand, or, as they say, has a cloud for a foundation. Not what many of us are searching for at all. Notice, I said, “many”…
To many, commitment is part of dating. They will search for someone that will date them, spring the commitment idea on them on the 3rd date, and abra cadabra, they are in a forever relationship. Of course, this is where the volume gets lower and the attorney begins to speak, like the pharmaceutical commercials on television. This is also why real relationships are so hard to forge. Yes, forge. They are built, not entered into like a room.
My history has been an eclectic brew of relationships, missed opportunities, and “almosts”. I’ve had a couple of people cross my path who I will never forget, even if I want to. I’ve also had a few forgettable people cross my path as well. This actually hurts me to admit. That another human being that I spent time with, would one day be forgotten by me. It speaks to something missing inside of me. I am working on being the best man I can be, but have not reached my goal as yet.
My view of being committed has evolved. If I am dating someone steady, it’s unlikely I will date anyone else. If we are intimate, I will not share myself with another. If we have not talked about being committed, we aren’t. Commitment is more than a conversation though. It becomes a lifestyle in a way. Being committed means we are one, or working towards that end. Being committed means we have decided on relational purity. It means no one else gets in.
Becoming a “We” is exciting and should not be taken lightly. I’ve done that in the past. Once, and that was enough. I agreed to be a part of something that I just was not ready for and I hurt someone very much. I told her I loved her and didn’t. I thought I did, but it wasn’t true. After our breakup I took a year away from dating and anything related to it. I began a long journey to understand what real love is. My conclusions were that real, unconditional love, must be tested by time. I jumped head first into that relationship matching her speed. She said, I love you, I love you too, was all I could say.
Causing another pain or hurt, should make you change something about yourself. What, is up to you, but change should take place. Hurting her made me rethink who I was, but more than that, who I wanted to be. I’ve been on that course for years now. Refining myself, remaking myself, more in the image of my father than anything. He taught me what a real man was and how a real man loved.
I’ll wrap this up with these thoughts. Remember that commitment is different for everyone. To some it means more than others. If commitment means forever or the hope of forever to you, find a mate with those values. If commitment to you means you are with someone because they are a fun date, or they are better than not having someone. You’re fooling yourself and someone will get hurt. In the meantime, enjoy the journey, I have made some forever friends and met so many wonderful humans along the way. I love you means something huge. Treat it that way.
PS: I’m searching for you, I’ll never stop, Love finds a way. We will be a we..