By Kenneth Stepp
Always… That sounds like a lifestyle to me. After all, always is forever. I love you always. That means I will love you forever. Is anything always these days? I wonder about such things constantly. I am not one to just throw the words, “I love you” around lightly. I have said them four times, meant them three of those times. Love, like many things, must be tested by time to actually know if it is real. So I meant those words all four times I used them. But time taught me that not all were true. I love you can just be spoken words, untried by time, and they mean almost nothing. I tend to write in a circuitous manner when trying to explain real love. Too many words, not enough understanding. Love, or what I call real love, is complex. And real love can be painful.
“Because, if you could love someone, and keep loving them, without being loved back . . . then that love had to be real. It hurt too much to be anything else.”
― Sarah Cross, Kill Me Softly
That is what real love has looked like in my life. It has been painful and confusing, a journey that has brought so much damage. So, what to do about it? I know of no answers at this point. Well, other than the obvious. That would be to end my journey. Never finding the love that I have invested years into finding. That would be tragic I think.To remain alone forever, rather than be with my forever love. Both forevers are a reality. But only one suits me. Is she searching for me? Is her life too busy for me? Do I know her? Have we in fact been a near miss? That would be a travesty. We both have so much capacity to love. It would be a shame to waste it. To waste love, that is something I cannot wrap my mind around at all. The depth I believe love to be, was best explained by, Bruce Lee.
“Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.”
― Bruce Lee
I believe he found real love. He describes what I want. Unquenchable and deep burning love. The kind that when you think of it causes a teardrop to run down your face. I can look at her and remember the wilderness that we found one another in. We will know, everyday, how lucky we were to have found one another. Most never do. I don’t want to miss her. Unlike many, finding her is my top goal. Taking a risk. A risk for the ultimate prize. My forever love. The universe will be at peace when I find her. At least it will for us…
“Every cell in my body was telling me that there stands my happily ever after.” (edited)
― C.J. English
Is there a happily ever after? She will be mine and I hers. Will every day be magical? Of course not. But every day, we will not wonder about each other. We will always know we have an advocate in our relationship. We will never have a reason to question loyalty or faithfulness. And she will be absolutely sure, every day, that she is my fantasy girl. And will be my priority forever and “always”….
“Sticking to one person for a lifetime is not a waste of time or lack of better ones, it means you’ve found your place of eternity.”
― Michael Bassey Johnson