By Lindy Earl
I keep hearing stories about people who have gone through yet another break up, or are having a bad day at work, or some issue, and, too often, they see it as other peoples’ fault. They have to blame someone or something, even if it’s just that life is unfair.
We all make choices daily. I’m rather unhappy some days that I am not in a relationship, and those days are normally when I have to do my yard work all alone I would love to have someone out there in the yard with me or, even better, out there in the yard instead of me. But my choice to end my marriage was not predicated on yard help. It was my decision to end the marriage that brought me to doing yard work alone. I can’t blame anyone else for the situation in which I find myself. I made the choice. The right choice about my marriage resulted in an unfortunate situation with my yard work, but it was still me who caused the situation. I am not blaming anyone else.
Another example: I am rather unhappy to have to stop and get my own gas. I have found this is a gender issue, that women especially dislike having to pump gas. It was my decision to be alone that led me to this point and, quite honestly, I always stopped for gas when I was married. My point is that I can choose to be sad and negative and complain about the fact that, oh my gosh, I have to mow my own lawn and pump my own gas, or I can be happy that I have a yard to mow and a car that needs gas. I am happy to have a lawn mower that works, and it was with the help of a friend that I bought this lawnmower a couple of years ago. I have legs that work and hands that know how to pump gas and money to pay for it.
We all have a lot of good in our lives. You’ve seen the stats that say you’re probably part of the richest 10% of people in the world if you have a roof over your head and food on your table. In truth, we are all fine. We know that deep down. So we need to choose to focus on the good and accept responsibility for where we are in life.
I have recently seen multiple comments on social media about needing a sugar daddy. In fairness I have heard men talk about sugar mamas as well. Whenever I hear someone say that they need someone to pay for a trip to the beach, I just shake my head and think, “Honey, be the person who is going to pay for your own trip.” You don’t need someone to pay your bills, especially not your discretionary bills. Yes, a vacation is discretionary spending, not required. It’s a want, not a need.
If the money isn’t there, then don’t go. And, don’t blame someone else because the money isn’t there.
Decide what is important to you. If you want an annual vacation, then start putting money aside every day/week/month to save for your vacation. Saving money isn’t as hard as some people think. It may mean going to your payroll people and having them transfer $10 every pay period to a new account that you set up. It may mean switching from a debit card to cash so that you can be more aware of how much money you spend. It may mean saving your change in a jar so you have extra money at Christmas. It may mean making coffee at home, or brown-bagging lunch, and putting the saved money aside. It may mean cleaning out your closet and taking the clothes you never wear to a consignment shop.
Those decisions all help you make better choices with your finances. Now, apply the same thoughts to work and relationships. At work, another person getting promoted isn’t unfair if they are pulling more hours and working harder than everyone else. The person with a great attitude and kind heart may get ahead faster, but there’s the reason for it – their great attitude and kind heart!
In relationships, is it time to cut the strings with someone who is not good for you? Yes, you may be alone for a while, but alone and happy is better than in a bad relationship. And, when you’re alone, you’ll have nobody to blame for anything. You may even be able to see your part in why the relationship didn’t work and what you need to do better, or different, in future relationships.
Basically, it’s time for some people amongst us to grow up. Your bad day is nobody’s fault, not even yours. Sometimes, bad days happen. You can blame others, even the traffic, but the point is, you need to accept it and move on. Casting blame doesn’t help anything and can make you look bad.
Make really great decisions today, even if they are difficult. Choose to spend your income wisely; choose to get to work early and volunteer for the difficult projects; be the mature and responsible person in all your relationships. Accept responsibility for every aspect of your life and you’ll find the right choices lead to better outcomes.
I would love to hear from you. Please comment and share your thoughts. If you like this article please share with your network!
Lindy is a Consultant, Speaker, and Writer, currently living in Atlanta, GA. She is The Business Coach focusing on Relationships through Communication, Leadership, and Corporate Culture. You will be more successful with Lindy on your team. Please contact her at LMEarl@EarlMarketing.com.