Life After Divorce . . . Make Yourself Interesting

By Lindy Earl

I knew a girl in College, a long time ago, who was incredibly happy with herself.  She was not at all conceited!  She was just content spending time alone, back in a time when being alone, in the midst of College life, was a bit odd.  She was a brilliant girl, and pretty, and had plenty of friends, but was always happy to be alone.

After living our lives with a spouse and children, really a rather long time when we are rarely alone, we suddenly find ourselves, post-divorce, often on our own.  Our spouse is gone.  We return to an empty house, whether we are coming from work or the grocery store – the grocery store, where we now buy small boxes when we once bought in bulk.  We can now afford to buy ourselves treats when once we were trying to stretch our budget to feed a full house – not only of our children but half their friends.  It can be hard to learn to enjoy our own company again.

Yet, that’s exactly how you have to see it – a learning opportunity.  Let’s discuss some ideas of how to enjoy our own time and find contentment in solitude.

First, maybe for the first time ever, you are allowed, even encouraged, to make your life about you! This is the time to revive a hobby or start a new one. I’ve never been a painter, but when a class was offered at church, with profits going to a family in need, I attended.  It turns out that I enjoyed the experience!  I may become a very bad artist in my old age.  It’s something to consider.

Home ownership is a huge responsibility, and there are always things to be fixed or done or decorated. So, do a house project.  If you rent, make it something mobile.  Depending on your circumstances, it may be a small project and an additional challenge will be the budget.  What can you recycle or reuse in some way?  Even cleaning out a closet is a great weekend project, perfect for winter days after football season ends.  If you come up with something really great, you may find yourself making Christmas gifts for family and friends.

Volunteer.  I know volunteering is always suggested but talk about a win-win situation!  You will obviously volunteer doing something you enjoy.  If you love books, your library is waiting for you. If you miss holding a baby, call your local hospital and offer to rock newborns, or call your church and volunteer in the nursery.  You have the benefit of using your time well, being needed, feeling great about yourself, and the place where you choose to volunteer gets the benefit of you!

Learn an instrument.  Please know, I have no musical ability.  Zero.  I play the radio and I play it to talk radio.  Even so, I have taught myself a few instruments in my lifetime.  Like painting, again, I will never be a professional (you’re welcome), but it was a great way for me to invest in myself.  It also gives me the ability to better appreciate those who can get amazing music from instruments.  I can’t do that!

Read that pile of books you’ve accumulated or binge watch a favorite TV series or movie trilogy.  Why not?

Invest in yourself with a better diet and more exercise. We all say we want to eat better and exercise more, so make it your priority!  Do some research on what this means for you.  For instance, coconut milk may be healthy, but it’s never passing my lips.  Create a diet and exercise routine that works for you, then follow it!  Find an accountability partner for days you don’t want to stick with it.

Download an app, like Duolingo, and learn a language. Wouldn’t it be fun to understand even a word or two when people are speaking in another language?  It’s good for your brain, too!

Remind yourself that you have a sense of humor.  Laughter is good for us.  After my divorce, and sometimes still, I have to remind myself to lighten up and laugh.  If something is said that you find offensive or questionable, choose to laugh about it.  Laughter makes life better.

Keep yourself so busy with what you enjoy that you don’t have time to be lonely or bored. In doing so, you will make yourself an interesting person and you will find that people will want to be with you.

That’s Life After Divorce.

            Lindy is a Speaker, Columnist, Author, and Consultant.  Contact her to speak at your church, organization, event, or corporation at  LMEarl@EarlMarketing.com.  You can find her on Face Book and join her Single Support Network – Single Again: From Devastation to Dating