Life After Divorce . . . I Want to Give Up

By Lindy Earl

I want to give up.  I’m tired.  I’m tired of sleeping alone.  I’m tired of waking up alone.  I miss cuddling and snuggling. I’m tired of making every decision.  I’m tired of being the only person to carry out every single chore – there are too many of them! It’s too much.  I wasn’t ready for this.

I wasn’t raised for this. I was taught that if you do everything right, and are a good wife and good mom, that everything would be okay.  But it’s not.  I tried to be a good wife. I cooked and cleaned.  I was supportive.  I asked my husband about his day.  I truly cared.  I was a good listener.  I took on extra responsibilities to relieve him of some of the pressure of being the breadwinner.

I was a home-room mom.  I stayed up late sewing Halloween costumes.  I scrimped and saved to give everyone a good Christmas.  It was before pinterest, or even the internet, so I waded through magazines and cookbooks to find nutritious meals that everyone in my family would eat.  I was a chauffer and a nurse and a psychologist to my family.  I tried.

I’m not ready for this. I need a break.  There is so much to be done every day, day after day.  If I ever catch up, I just find myself behind the next morning.  I rise early.  I work hard.  I have a hundred different people pulling at me every day.  My boss, coworkers, family members, friends, kids’ teachers, organizations, charities.  Everyone wants something from me.  I have nothing left to give.

I need a break.  I need someone to hold me and cuddle me and tell me it’s going to be okay.  I need to hear a promise, a promise that will be fulfilled, not empty words.  I need to hear that I’m going to be okay.  That life is going to be okay.

I need to be told that I’m stronger than this . . . whatever this is.  This is my life.  How did I get here?  It’s not what I want, yet here I am.  I want to give up.  I don’t want to be stronger than this.  I want to curl up into a ball and cry.  I want to tell people, even as I want to hear them say that it will be okay, that they are wrong.  It won’t be okay.  It can’t be okay.  This isn’t right.  I’m tired.

But . . . I won’t give up, because I can’t.  I don’t have that option, that luxury.  I will keep going because that’s what I do.  I will continue to laugh at bad jokes, because that’s polite.  I will smile through my pain, and hope nobody sees the truth behind the smile.  I will hide the tears.

I will persevere.  I will learn.  I will grow. But, somedays, I still want to give up.

That’s Life After Divorce.

Lindy is a Speaker, Columnist, Author, and Consultant.  Contact her at or find and like her page on Face Book, and join her FB support group, Single Again: From Devastation to Dating.


1 Comment

  1. Yes, yes, yes. I paid the last payment to my divorce attorney today. I feel a mixture of relief and sadness that it’s almost over. I feel like a failure. I tried so hard to do everything to keep my husband happy, but it wasn’t enough. Will I be enough for someone else. I have so much to give to someone else.

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